I Love You Actually Means Goodbye

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It was warm, it was so warm, and that’s all he could register. Numbers had been dialed, people talked to, and now there was only a five minute wait. Good, because the warmth was supposed to mean something bad, even if he didn’t know how bad it really was. Oh right, blood was warm, wasn’t it? Ivan moaned in pain. Reality (such a bothersome thing) started in the base of his throat, -which had long since been out of use, (choked up with mucus)- and spread down his spine, curling at the base of it. A sense of dread. The feeling finally made it to his brain, which unclogged his throat to whisper, “Shhh-sh-sh-shhh Ih-Ivan, you’ll, you’ll be f-fine. Just hold on...a little l-longer. I called, for help...” It became nonsensical ramblings as he clutched the other closer closer, still holding his tattered shirt to the wound to stop the bleeding. Amethyst eyes glittered with tears turned to him, I love you, they said. Except he wouldn’t let Ivan say that until they were laughing together in the hospital form a close call. Ivan wasn’t aloud to say he loved him, because that could also mean goodbye. “No. NO! No no no no. Stay! Stay with me, you’re fine. Tell me you’re fine. It’s been three minutes, just-just two more minutes come on!” Ludwig whispered frantically. He didn’t cry, that wasn’t, just wasn’t a Ludwig thing. Ivan was smiling, good, smiling was...It was another goodbye, wasn’t it? “It’s...okay...Lud...I love-l-love y-you.” Blue eyes filled with mirth. Something like disgust plastered it’s self on Ludwig’s face, but it was laced with dread, and loathing of death. He managed a dry chuckle as the tears made tracks down his face, they followed the sharp line of his jaw and settled onto Ivan’s -bloody oh go... ... middle of paper ... ..., Ludwig’s everything would go with him. Now, how was he supposed to say all that without stuttering? “Oh-oh god!” He choked, grabbing Ivan to look into his eyes. “D-don’t you understand, I’ll-I’ll die w-without you. Please. You can’t just...go!” Ivan’s hand was still warm on his face, oh so warm. “It’s not...w-worth it...Ludwig. There are things...you can do...without me. W-we all leave darling, but I’ll always be,” A Hand was placed on the bak of his neck, and it pulled him closer. bringing their lips together, Ivan whispered against them, while placing a hand over his heart. “Here. I’ll be...here...see?” No, you’ll be six feet under and miles from me. He thought darkly, but refused to let it show on his face. Smiling one last time, Ivan loosed the grip on Ludwig’s hand, and closed his eyes. The sound of sirens could be heard in the distance.

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