The setting in Montana is stunning and would definitely translate to the big screen. The tone is dramatic. The goal is clear and the stakes feel high.
The plot centers on the disappearance of a drunken father. It’s a mystery that engages the audience. There’s a clear protagonist in Marco. The script provides some twists and turns, as old buried family secrets are revealed. There’s also a romantic subplot.
While there’s a lot to like about this script, there’s also room for more development. The story would benefit from adding more suspense and tension, as well as fully developing the storylines.
First, the inciting event is the disappearance of Walter. The story is propelled forward when an investigation begins on his disappearance. This investigation and Marco’s relationship with Annie drive act two. However, here are the concerns:
Marcos questions where his father is – yet later he confesses to knowing what his grandfather did. If he already knows, then he doesn’t really have a quest.
If he doesn’t know his grandfather killed Walter, then he has to be more proactive in trying to find his father.
Another alternative is to add another twist to the story. Consider the idea that Marco thinks his mother killed Walter and he’s trying to protect her. The twist is that Vin killed him, or maybe Marco thinks Vin killed his father, but it was really his mother. Consider showing him finding the bloody shovel and other evidences to elevate the tension and suspense. His real goal is to cover up the murder, but he acts like he doesn’t know what happened to his father.
There’s an interesting scene in which Ma...
... middle of paper ...
...o protect his family, but he never really tells Annie to stop seeing Marco.
McGinnis is the main adversary, but his motivation for his determination isn’t clear.
There’s a scene in which the maid Lucretia seems to be watching Charles and Elizabeth, but it’s unclear why this is included.
The dialogue reveals information about characters and the plot, but be careful, as mentioned, with having a character talk to their self (this sounds contrived and several characters do this).
There are some formatting issues and minor typos. Don’t overdo the sound bridge. There are some consecutive character headings.
SUMMARY & MARKETABILITY
The plot is very engaging. One can envision this story as a film, but with more development, as outlined.
The setting is authentic.
The characters are complex and feel as if they can attract talent.
The target audience is mainstream.
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