Well Shiver me Timbers and Guard thy Booty

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As I stepped out of my cabin and onto the S.S. Sultry. The S.S. Sultry's crew were all looking down at their feet to afraid to look me in the eye. As slowly walked by each of them. I noticed as I did each one slowly lifted their heads to get a glimpse of my magnificence. It's as if I read their minds. They were probably thinking something like “oh god it’s no wonder we lost to him," "
"Hell he could have beat us with a row boat” or “oh I’m not gay but I would consider it a honor to be raped by that man”
I continued to pass the defeated crew members shaming their game to no end as I did. Until I reached the captains quarters door, I placed my hand on the knob and was about to turn it. Suddenly I stop.
“what the fuck am I doing” I exclaimed. “I don’t open doors of defeated ships”
I snap my fingers and a small little man who’s name I can never remember, but does all the door opening. Came running over and opened the door. I really should learn his name but all I know about him is he always smells of whisky and he opens doors for me.
As I step into the room the captain was seated in a chair behind a desk with his back turned to me. A strange smell of pretty things hit my nose. “Why would a captain’s quarters smell so nice?” I thought to myself.
I decided to give him a good rousing to put him in place. With my quick thought I came up with the greatest joke to play on the captain. It was good that it would take most people their entire lives to come up with something so good. “I say it smells so pretty in here that I almost thought this was a ladies powder room.”
I laugh a little at how great the joke was, and I could tell that my quip struck a nerve in the captain because he turned around faster than a crow...

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...t to have she realized that she could never please me as much as I could please her. So like many women I have know she would rather take her own life then to disappoint me. Placing the gun to her head, she pulled the trigger. The bullet came out of her head just the way you would think I bullet would exit a head, but on the other side of where the gun was pointed. I got up walked nakedly but triumphantly to the door when my real horror struck me. How was I supposed to get out of the captain’s quarters with my door opener dead at my feet…..

Wow!! Right? Most amazing thing ever? Had you on the edge of your seat? Right? So that’s it for now. Bye everyone. Oh and for those who really want to know what happened Rick just grabbed the little guy who opens doors for him, whose name was Witfeel, chopped off his hand, and used it to open the door.

-Kenyon out!!!

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