Narrative Essay: My Bogus Toothbrush

My toothbrush bristles had turned a terrible yellow and my teeth were beginning to look the same. So I went to the store to get a new toothbrush. I saw a large array of brushes, at least thirty, all different shapes, colors, and sizes. Each of them claiming that they could wipe the plaque off of my teeth more efficiently than the others, and I couldn't choose. It was quite an important decision. On my left was a grey haired man wearing a ratty brown cardigan.

The old man looked at me and declared, "All these toothbrushes are bogus."

As he spoke I was amazed by his beautiful, healthy, white teeth.

"Oh yeah? Well what do you use to clean your teeth?" I wanted my teeth to look as white as his.

"I don't use toothbrushes. Dumbest invention ever. You wanna know how I clean my teeth? I use my tongue - after every meal, and before I sleep.”

I almost laughed, but it occurred to me that he might be a crazy and it would be rude to laugh if he was.

"No toothpaste either."

“Wow.” I said as if I believed him. Because how in the world can you clean your teeth with your tongue?

Then he went on. "Why else do you think your tongue can stretch to each and every crevice inside your mouth? ’Cause that's what the tongue is for! Cleaning your teeth! It has a rough texture, that scrubs your teeth better than any bristle ever could!"

As he went on, the old man suddenly seemed to make plenty of sense. I had never thought of this obvious solution to teeth cleaning. I was baffled. I gave up on buying a toothbrush and followed him out of the shop, and asked him to lunch.

As we chatted I found out just how smart he was. "Notice that mammals with teeth have very flexible tongues, for the purpose of cleaning and maintaining their teeth. A bird...

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...table man said to. I felt like a complete idiot. I felt like I had been punched in the face.

Years later, I found myself in need of dentures, for all of my yellowed teeth had fallen out. While cleaning the attic I found a set, and had a hard time remembering where they came from. After collecting dust for so many years they still were very white. I figured that since my memory was so terrible maybe I had bought them weeks ago and had forgotten about doing so. They fit nicely, so I was convinced this must be the case. With them on, my teeth had never looked so beautiful and healthy.

Later that day, I went to the nearby store to get my prescription filled and showcase my new teeth. To my right was a frustrated young man trying to choose a toothbrush from a selection of too many shapes, fancy bristles, and fake promises.

"All those toothbrushes are bogus," I said.