Bar Scene Monologue

Hey Folks!

Welcome to the bar scene! We're so glad you've joined the ranks of veteran boozers and newby Fireball guzzlers!

Let me start off by saying, unequivocally, we wouldn't have a job if it wasn't for you. We appreciate you've stepped through those hallowed doors, and into our welcoming arms (and cash registers).

But with great boozing, comes great expectations. Or something like that. I wanted to throw a few paragraphs at you guys...to ease your transition from hiding your alcohol consumption from Mom and Dad to glorifying every frothy shaken shot and overzealous cheers on social media.

*Do Unto Others as You'd Prefer Done to You*

This just means don't be an asshole. We absolutely want you to have a good time but that doesn't

It's a given. Just please understand you will be held accountable. If you fuck up once, we will instantly know your face and name the next time we see you. If you act like a civilized human enough times after your douchebaggery incident, then I'm sure we'll just chalk it up as a rough night. But if you continue to act like a diva or dickhead, you'll be sent home and your crew will think you're a assface because they can't enjoy themselves at liquid entertainment establishments because you act like a petulant child.

*TIPS*

Ok. This will most likely piss off some bartenders, owners, and you...but yes...we bartend to make money. Pure and simple. I don't stay up until 4am on weekends because I love having bags under my eyes. We also don't expect to become millionaires after last call. But know we have to pay taxes, and most bartenders I know have paychecks in the single digits because of the taxes on our tips. I make about $.75/hr and my paychecks for two weeks of work garner me about two gallons of gas.

It's part of the job, and we accept it.

If you stiff us four and five times in a row, we will absolutely continue to serve you...but you will get served last..after everyone else.

And after I get more ice for my well.
And grab a glass of water.
And then wash my hands.
And then just space out for a bit.
Then..you'll get your Long

If some drunk asshole slammed into them, I promise you, I will add a line to my bucket list to ensure making your life a horrifically miserable existence.

Be smart and keep an emergency $20 on you. The planet thanks you.

*Take No for an Answer*

If you aren't allowed in the club or bar, just take that as a sign. Trust me, we don't like turning away business. I'll agree with you, some bouncers and bartenders like the power trip, and love telling people no. I'm not one of those people. I like paying bills and going home to my family.

But if you're cut off, just accept it as fact and head towards the door like the adult you've now become. If you fight it, act like a shithead, or cause a scene...then you're only proving our decision more effectively. 99% of the time you're denied entry or have stopped being served, it's in the best interest of everyone involved.

Be smart, make the intelligent decision and grab some fast food and head home for the night please.

These are just a few simple ideas on how to ensure a fun, safe environment for everyone involved in a night of liquor-enhanced social