Losing to Win: Addressing Kids' Fear of Failure

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Ashley Merryman, who is the co-author of Nurture Shock (NY Times, Oct. 2016), in “Forget Trophies, Let Kids Know It’s O.K. to Lose”, argues that it is absolutely all right for kids to fail and that their downfall can lead to victory worth more than a meaningless trophy. I passionately agree. Merryman begins her argument by stating that more harm comes from rewarding children regardless of their success. Merryman contends that our society has integrated a social system that teaches children losing is unacceptable. She refers to a recent study that supports her statement and concludes that children adhere to their parents’ perspectives on failure and success. She asserts that in not giving kids a trophy, they will learn the life lesson to …show more content…

The manner in which a kid’s parents react to failure, as she says, is “as crucial as celebrating their success.” The first step to allowing children to realize it is completely fine to lose is having a positive attitude as their superior and guardian. Children look up to and imitate their parents’ actions and beliefs. If parents accept failure as a way to succeed and enhance their skills, then their child will believe the same perspective. Sarah’s parents, wildly upset when her Little League team lost to their rivals, rambled to her about all his errors. They didn’t accept failure as a stepping stone to achievement. Adhered to her parent’s same perspective, Sarah viewed defeat as a weakness. Thinking less of her capability, she didn’t bother practicing to better his performance. At the start of the next season, she didn’t sign up for any sports and became depressed. A kid’s self-esteem plays a vital role in the development of their skills and success. The perspective in which a child views herself affects her effort and performance. Trophies are seen “as vindication” or a justification towards children who have already developed a high-self-esteem. They feel it is what they deserve, which serves as evidence of how great they already view themselves. Participation trophies that aren’t deserved hinder a child’s esteem and effort even more. The praise that wasn’t particularly earned gravitates their minds towards …show more content…

Children definitely gain more from their realizing their mistakes, than receiving underserved praise through a trophy. She contends that “we must focus on process and progress, not results and rewards.” “The Karate Kid,” a memorable film for generations, features various morals to kids all across the globe. Its story line casts an unskilled child, foreign to China, trying to learn the tedious technique of karate. Although he goes through pain and tremendous failure, he realizes his mistakes and learns through his defeat. With the help of his encouraging mentor, he masters karate with beautiful skill. Through his failure, he acknowledged his faults in order to surpass them. The material rewards were meaningless compared to his feeling of self-triumph. A child doesn’t “need manufactured praise” as a reward if their skill is already mastered. He doesn’t need to be given a trophy to know he succeeded; instead, his learned skill is worth more. The feeling of accomplishing and developing his abilities is far more impactful to a child “than any trophy” has to offer. Mathew, a joyful junior, was on the junior varsity basketball team. After several weeks of practice, he finally developed the skill to communicate with his team mates. He had always received meaningless trophies, but the feeling of mastering the skill himself was truly meaningful. His

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