Self Reflection: Winter's Heart by Robert Jordan

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Recommended: Self reflection in psychology

Excerpt from “Winter's Heart” (“The Wheel of Time”, book 9) by Robert Jordan “Oh, Light, why do I have a madman in my head? Why? Why”
I asked myself this question long ago when I was in the biggest emotional predicament in my life I needed support and consolation. I could not get in touch with my friends and parents. The surrounding me unconventional or honest people were ostracized and beaten like nails by a hammer until they were forced to hide their identities and merge with the crowd. I too started adopting the predominant opinions and attitudes to keep up appearances and soon became so skilled that I stopped realizing what I was doing and why did I even start to. Ironically in exchange I received more than I had dreamt of – broad-mindedness and empathy. All the contradicting principles I had, mine and imported, made me feel confused as if pointed by the random flow I did not know myself, or if there was such a thing as myself. I was never fully aware how deeply I had fallen into this abyss until just recently. It was a dream-like feeling of having someone crazy in my body doing things opposite to what the voice of my heart wished for. The voice was like a dream in a dream and the crazy man seemed undeniably real. I decided to throw away everything and make my new own credo from the scrap, by opening to every idea, and trying to understand and sympathize with everyone. These two cherished principles of mine-broad-mindedness and empathy helped me find the way to my true self. Thanks to them now I possess the courage and determination to walk the road I chose and to keep on it no matter what. Reverting to my old comatose state would be the same as committing a suicide.
Narrow-minded and lying to themselves people are saddest to ...

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... did not I see it was meaningless right from the start?’’ As time goes by some may completely try to escape unhappiness by even denying the value of life.” I can`t take it anymore. It is meaningless to live. I will commit a suicide.” ”Some people told me caring for other people`s feeling is important, but they were wrong. After all no one cares about me, so why should I about others. Most people treated me as my life is meaningless, and I got my lesson. Life is meaningless. I will kill and rape people and one day die, but even this won’t matter.”
It is up to my contemporaries who recognize this problem to try to resolve it by constructive means.
Please, note that this essay is not at all intended to describe a final and universally appliable system of truths, but only to give an outline of the current state and direction of evolution of my perception of the world.

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