Satirical Essay: Keep the Good Students in School, and Enslave the Bad Students
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890 words (2.5 double-spaced pages)
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Some of the brightest young students at this school are faced with a growing problem. In class there are disruptive and downright rude students who do not contribute to the learning environment. These bad students are a terrible influence to the rest of the school community, those who don’t care about their education are more likely to get involved with violence and gangs. Some of these students are simply “un-teachable” and are a waste of time and space, overcrowding the school and ruining its reputation. We must heed the saying “A rotten apple will spoil the whole barrel.” After all, what will become of these worthless people in the future? I hereby suggest a proposal to eliminate all of these social ills, make use of high school dropouts and the like, and better our society in the process: Excluding those with learning disabilities, disruptive, non-contributing high school students with low GPAs and test scores should be enslaved to do physical labor, if prisoners do not work hard enough, they will be executed.
Those unwilling to learn would rather not be in school anyway. So they finish high school without any intention of going to college and getting a decent job, then what? Then the dropouts are destined for an impoverished lifestyle, a living dependent on welfare (funded by our tax dollars) - a life of drug-dealing, prostitution, violence, and ultimate despair. It is better to take them out of school firsthand and give them something better to do, something that will benefit the rest of society. Enslaving the jackasses will motivate the rest of the students and make great examples. These ex-students will take part in the most grueling labor possible, such as work at factories, plantations, or mines, early on so that ...
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... an education. No longer will there be a shortage of class time, no longer will there be crowded classrooms full of despicable, worthless students bound to be the scum of mankind in the future. This plan will positively influence students in setting higher expectations and eliminating crude behavior at school, as horseplay proves to be for those who don’t consider their education as top-priority. GPA and test score averages will be on the rise as more and more outstanding students strive to make better role models. A 3.0 average is not hard to attain, and if students don’t maintain this GPA, they obviously are not trying and don’t care about their education. Putting those idiots who don’t care to go to school to work in the salt mines will not only improve our economy and bring change for the better in the education system – it will be the start of a better future.
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