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How communication can affect relationships
Conflict resolution strategies
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Currently, I am involved in is a relational conflict between my husband and myself. Even though, being married for almost 31 years, our communication is lacking when we have a disagreement. Admittingly, professionally, I engage in using healthy conflict resolution , and personally when I am involved in a disagreement with others, healthy confrontation methods result in desirable outcomes in which all members are treated with respect and dignity. However, communication with my Husband rarely concludes with the same results. This has been our ongoing issue for years. Although, I may attempt to convey my feeling, I would often feel dismissed, not heard, not appreciated, disrespected, and disappointed by my husband’s response.
Conflicts within relationships are inevitable and some conflict can help strengthen a relationship; however, in marriages and families, many people fail to work through their conflict, which results in unhealthy patterns of behavior. Over time, if left unresolved, these patterns of behavior can lead to a breaking of the relationship. Furthermore, most people do not set out seeking conflict within relationships, but rather they lack the emotional maturity to move through conflict. In fact, it is not the differences between the two parties that create the conflict, but rather the emotional reaction to their differences. Therefore, an intervention is required to begin the healing process of working through conflict. Often a pastor or counselor
In the first chapter of her book, You Just Don't Understand, Men and Women in Conversation, Deborah Tannen quotes, "...studies have shown that married couples that live together spend less than half an hour a week talking to each other...". (24) This book is a wonderful tool for couples to use for help in understanding each other. The two things it stresses most is to listen, and to make yourself heard. This book opened my eyes to the relationship I am in now, with a wonderful person, for about four years. It made me realize that most of our little squabble-like fights could have been avoided, if one or the other of us could sit down and shut up for a minute to listen. Most of our fights had erupted from a misunderstanding or miscommunication on either of our parts, and we're only dating! I can only imagine the conflict two partners would have in a marriage with children. This book outlined a lot of couples' problems, where they may have started, and how to circumvent them. After starting to read this book, I realized to do a book report on the entire book would be very difficult, so I chose situations that most related to me to report on.
There is no doubt that conflict occurs in every human institution including professional, unions, and educational and vocational environment. However effective exchange ideas through communication can greatly minimize the effects of marital conflict. Studies have suggested that couples remain married if they successfully manage their interpersonal communication on the basis of accommodating individual differences, problem resolving skills, forgiveness, collective decision making, empathy and above all positive conflict management.
Abigail, R. A., & Cahn, D. D. (2011). Managing conflict through communication. 4th Ed. Boston: Allyn and Bacon.
There are 5 different conflict management styles and using them can either negatively or positively affect relationships. I use all the styles of conflict management, but in my most recent conflicts I have been using a competitive style. The competitive style is mainly described as being quick to resolute, upfront, and in my case, fun. Like all the styles, there is drawbacks and benefits, but the competitive style is not too beneficial to everyone in the situation. If things do not go my way, I look to the other conflict management styles to resolve. That may sound self-centered, but that is not always the case.
If the conflicts happen every day of the week, that’s when you want to take notice of it because it does not create a healthy environment. Conflicts that get built up over time and when they are not addressed, they can create a disaster when another conflict arises. These triggers can create larger and more in depth conflicts when an argument arises. Don’t sweat the small issues. Put the small issues aside and don’t worry about them because chances are they will not make an impact. If you do choose to react however, make sure that the reaction is in a calm matter. Address to your significant other why you feel a certain way and make sure to make use of I-messages. For example, “I feel upset when you can’t put you phone down and talk to me.” This can be a very useful tactic because you are not getting angry at them or directly telling them what they did wrong in a mean
Hocker & Wilmot, 2007, Poole, & Stutman, 2005 Folger and 2007 Cahn& Abigail. "Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management." Devito, Joseph A. The Interpersonal Communication Book. Boston: Pearson, Allyn & Bacon, 2009. 276.
Interpersonal conflict happens in every relationship and knowing how to correctly resolve the conflict could save a relationship. In the episode explained, there was not a resolution. The husband did what he wanted without communicating with his husband. Effectively handling a conflict within a relation is required to build trust and to keep the relationship
For interpersonal relationship to be successful, there must be mutually positive communication present at all time. My relationship is far the opposite and is continuously plagued with confrontations. The underlying reason stems from the very aggressive behavior of my partner. There seems to be no behavioral flexibility in the ability to adapt to new situations and to relate in new ways when necessary. (Pearson, 2000). These adaptations are an integral part of communication in any interpersonal relationships.
Sharing the power in a relationship helps couples to avoid power imbalances and conflicts over power will lessen overall negative conflict in the relationship. To keep communication going, "the partners should focus on the fat that sharing information is essential and reinforce each other for keeping the process alive" (102). To do this, for example, don 't become defensive when a partner reveals their feelings; if you punish disclosure by becoming angry, the partner is less likely to disclose in the future. I often still experience this in my marriage. When I tell my husband my feelings and he responds by getting angry or defensive, I feel hurt and upset and do not want to open myself up to that again. This can cause a pattern of sharing, hurting, and then a period of time with little communication, until one party opens up communication again. However, if you follow the other strategies, and go back to the first principle of effective communication above all-if you make it a priority- it will be easy to keep open lines of communication in a
When I began to comprehend the faults within our relationship, I knew it was time to act. Focusing on the Struggle Spectrum by the National Communication Association, I noticed that we were repeatedly climbing the struggle ladder and falling off the edge only to repeat it again. My younger, less educated version of myself would never have seen the problems but now, after years of college and my Interpersonal Communications class, I could see what needed to be done. I b...
The readings helped me understand that conflicts for some couples may be a normal. The therapy may help them communicate their differences in a collaborative and clear manner. The readings also affirmed my view about patterns of resolution in a healthy couple consist of solving problem constructively. However, this pattern may not be universal and some methods of resolving conflicts may consist of aggression, avoidance, or withdrawal.
I am sure we all know how to communicate with one another. Even though being married is a whole new recipe. When we talk to one another it lets both sides have a better feel of the other. Although we at times may not be on the same page; by communicating we can figure them out. Heated arguments are an example of communication. We have all had arguments; but having an argument with a husband or wife is different in comparison to a friend down the street. My husband and I agreed a long time ago that we would never go to bed at one another, and for twenty e...
In the reading’s of “Why I Want a Wife” by Judy Brady, (Essay #6) the author gives details on the reasons she would love to have a wife by her side. She gives explicit encounters on the labor detail job of a woman, from cooking, to cleaning, to ironing, to sexual interactions. Now, I do believe that as a wife, there are specifics that are wanted in a marriage, but nothing stated as a demand.
Weeks, D. (1992) The eight essential steps to conflict resolution: preserving relationships at work, at home, and in the community. New York: Tarcher/Putnam.