Real Boys While Reading the book Real Boys by Dr. William Pollack, I realized that our society is holding boys to contradictory standards aiding the problems that many of them face while in adolescence. This book introduces the reader to numerous boys who share their feelings of shame and despair in trying to live up to the "Boy Code". Pollack feels the pain that comes from boys prematurely separating from their mothers puts them on the cycle to hardening themselves emotionally. The one acceptable emotion becomes anger. Throughout the book Pollack encourages parents to take time with their sons in helping them express their feelings while showing them empathy and love. Pollack discusses the ways parents can help their boys escape from the gender straightjacket that is imposed upon them. Pollack exposes myths that negatively portray boys as macho creatures shaped by testosterone with no social skills. He instead presents examples of boys who are emphatic as a result of nurturing parents and educates the reader to be aware that boys express their love through action and work. Pollack includes chapters regarding the different but equally important role of mothers and fathers in bringing up their sons. He also writes about the effect of healthy relationships with peers and the devastation that some boys feel when they discover they are homosexual. Pollack takes on the schools in failing boys in a number of ways but specifically for failing to understand the Boy Code. Boys continue to lose self-esteem as the mask of masculinity tightens and they conform to what society expects from them, interfering with their ability to learn effectively. Dr. Pollack not only gives us the problems that face the adolescent boy he also gives us suggestions to remedy and rectify the situation. This is nice instead of simply offering negative statements he actually offers the reader a solution. Another beneficial aspect of Dr. Pollack’s writing is the fact that he uses so many references to his research and the research of other notable psychologists instead of over emphasizing the personal instances in his own life. When he wants to emphasize a point with a real life person, he uses a third party. When speaking of these contradictory codes that a young boys is taught to live by, Dr. Pollack says: "Boys have had to learn to walk a fine line. Have intimacy without sentimen... ... middle of paper ... ...ollack talks on breaking down gender stereotypes; he seems to perpetuate them by seeming to insist that the mom be the central part of upbringing. Extensive sections on single moms but the only discussion of single dad households is two sentences which state that research showing relatively positive outcomes (i.e. relative to mom getting sole custody, not relative to intact families) is controversial. Pollack notes that Dads are more likely to suffer from depression after a divorce but does not draw the logical reason. Dads lose far more than moms in a divorce. Yes moms economic status goes down more, but she tends to keep what is really important... the kids. Even today the courts are horribly biased against men in divorce cases. A mom must be totally unfit to not get at least joint custody, dad has to fight for minimal visitation rights. These are however minor quibbles with the book, the central principle of the book: Today’s boys are in big trouble, and much of that trouble stems from never being allowed to show any negative emotion other than anger, is a very important one. Boys are not toxic they need our love and support, even if they put on a tough self-sufficient disguise.
In a restaurant, picture a young boy enjoying breakfast with his mother. Then suddenly, the child’s gesture expresses how his life was good until “a man started changing it all” (285). This passage reflects how writer, Dagoberto Gilb, in his short story, “Uncle Rock,” sets a tone of displeasure in Erick’s character as he writes a story about the emotions of a child while experiencing his mother’s attempt to find a suitable husband who can provide for her, and who can become a father to him. Erick’s quiet demeanor serves to emphasis how children may express their feelings of disapproval. By communicating through his silence or gestures, Erick shows his disapproval towards the men in a relationship with his mother as he experiences them.
As we grow up, people experience different ways of how to express themselves as an individual, especially how to express their emotions to others. Depending on how we are raised, we stereotype boys to be strong and sturdy while girls are gentle and sweet. In both their respective articles, “Defining a Doctor” and “His Marriage and Hers: Childhood Roots,” Zuger and Goleman compare and contrast the different ways of how each gender showcases their behavior and emotion to others. In “Defining a Doctor,” Zuger observes two interns and notices how differently they approach their patients by using their emotion. In contrast, Goleman in “His Marriage and Hers” defines the separate emotional worlds between boys and girls and how their upbringings are
The story of Inside the World of Boys by William Pollack brings the attention to us that the boys often suffer from low-self esteem, in large part due to “the boy code”, the unspoken rules that compel them to feel they need to hide their emotions and keep them from exposure. In effect, “the boy code” causes the problem of gender gap between boys and girls in academic performances. I choose this essay because I am concerned with how “the boy code” raises the gender gap between boys and girls in their academic performances and how our societies often underestimate all emotional needs of boys. This story is not only a story but also is a research paper of Pollack which is supported by his research results and statistics. The background story of Adam and his personal conversation with his mother make this story so fascinating and touching. It brings a social message to parents, school, and societies.
In an excerpt from his book, Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men, which was first published in 2008, sociologist Michael Kimmel shows us how the teaching of masculinity in America begins to form at a very young age and goes far into adulthood. He focuses on how boys are molded from a young age to be men, by forms of harassment, teasing, and peer pressure from parents, relatives, friends, teachers, and society. In this specific essay, Kimmel explains the pressures young boys experience and the expectations as they grow into manhood. Kimmel vividly describes men who are pressured by their own peers to prove their masculinity. Furthermore, there is a relentless sense of having to show ones ' 'manly ' ' behavior. Masculinity is expected, and needs to be shown in-front of others at all times. For most men, being able to do
It is a known fact that many females that take part actively in male dominated sports and games does end up developing male-like attributes such as muscular growth, deepened voice. This development in male-like attributes can be credited to the heighten production of testosterone in the females. However, the 20thcentury coined term, the sensitive new aged guys, clearly also shows the swaying away from the traditional concepts of how the outlook and actions of a male should be. This group of males, like suggested by the passage might be the resultant of a new generation of youths brought up in a less traditional family or an overly protected family. In both cases, one involves allowing the child to explore his sexuality by self exploration and does not clamp down on the child as how it would have been in a traditional family, when he is taking part in what was previously deemed as “girly” activities such as playing with kitchen toy
The boy comprehends the severity of the situations he is faced with, such as lack of food or water, and treats his father with the same respect and equality that the man gives him. He insists on sharing his portions with his father when they are uneven, and he remains cautious at all times, even when his father is not. The boy’s fire is fueled by his love for his father, which is shown by the boy’s priority on caring for his father’s wellbeing, just as the man does for him. This love and responsibility, manifesting in the form of self-sacrifice and compassion, lies in direct juxtaposition to the rest of the world, where selfishness and indifference reigns
In today`s Society, men and women are raised from young ages to act in certain ways that are established through the guy code. According to Kimmel in ``Bros Before Hoes`` ,''boys were taught to deny their emotional needs and disguise their feelings''(pg.470). The boy code does not give the opportunity for boys to express their wide range of emotions instead prohibits them for doing so. Boys are reinforced with subliminal messages of ''acting manly'' from boyhood that turns into sullen indifference. Men turn to anger and violence in frustration situations because they believe that these are the only acceptable emotional factors. In the development process from boyhood to manhood, women are also affected by the consequences of the guy code.
From an early age, boys learn that aggressive behavior is an acceptable norm and fighting is essentially a male gender role. Young men are taught by watching TV or from social media that sports figures who are involved in violent crimes usually end up with lucrative contracts and regarded as sports legends. Throughout adolescents boys are guided by various agents of socialization, from family to school, media and peer groups become keys to a young man’s social stability. As boys mature they eventually develop their own gender expressions evident in the ways they dress, act or ...
The trope “parent-child relationships,” encompassing both parental and mentor relationships, appears in many stories or texts. Not surprisingly, parent-child and mentor relationships run throughout all of the books examined this year in English class, most obviously in Khaled Hosseini’s The Kite Runner and J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye. The two protagonists in these novels, both of whom are boys struggling to find their place in the world, have significant adult figures who try to guide them in their journeys to maturity.
The boy appears to play the role of the responsible adult more so than the father does. The boy has typical signs of a child from today’s broken family relationships; he does not want to disappoint either parent. The boy s...
Tyre, Peg, Andrew Murr, Vanessa Juarez, Anne Underwood, Karen Springen, and Pat Wingert. “The Trouble With Boys.” Newsweek 30 January 2006:1-9. Web.
The Family structure has changed significantly in the last fifty years. With higher percentages of marriage ending in divorce, and higher rates of childbearing out of wedlock, single parent families are increasing rapidly. “Seventy percent of all the children will spend all or part of their lives in a single-parent household.” (Dowd) Studies have shown that the children of these families are affected dramatically, both negatively and positively. Women head the majority of single- parent families and as a result, children experience many social problems from growing up without a father. Some of these problems include lack of financial support, and various emotional problems by not having a father around, which may contribute to problems later in life. At the same time, children of single-parent homes become more independent because they learn to take care of themselves, and rely on others to do things for them.
The story provides many sources for the boy's animosity. Beginning with his home and overall environment, and reaching all the way to the adults that surround him. However, it is clear that all of these causes of the boy's isolation have something in common, he has control over none of these factors. While many of these circumstances no one can expect to have control over, it is the culmination of all these elements that lead to the boy’s undeniable feeling of lack of control.
In this era, males and females both uphold household duties. Children watch and learn from their environment. A boy watching his father care for an infant is going to want to imitate his father. Playing with a doll is simply following what he has seen his father do. Taking away the doll is taking away that child’s future as a nurturing father (Gioia, 2010). Many men feel that their male child playing with a doll is not teaching him to be tough and will negatively impact their future, when in fact the boy will learn how to care and use their imagination by playing with dolls (Epand). Females are often praised when they are gentle and nurturing, while boys are not- causing boys to r...
In these days, gender roles are discussed in every thinking way. Everybody has a meaning on how we should do, and how we should be. The chapter Manhood for Amateurs by Michael Chabon’s book, William and I, thematizes the gender roles of parents and how these have changed historically.