The problem with being both a pastor and a parent at the same time is finding and adhering to the distinction between shepherding the church members and being a father to one’s children. A distinction must be made between pastoring a church and parenting one’s children because of the nature of each responsibility which when combined with the other produces a difficult situation. While being a pastor requires a caring heart for one’s congregation, being a good parent requires a love for one’s children that is so deep that caring for anyone else pales in comparison. Problems arise when a pastor cares too much for his congregation or what they think of him and ignores his family in the process. One’s family should always come first not matter what the career is. Many times when this lack of distinction happens, a pastor will “over-shepherd” his kids in hopes that he can influence them in the same way he seems to be able to influence their church. In short, he treats his children like parishioners except with added expectations because of the children being his own. Other pastors will have little to no involvement with their kids in the hope that this will solve the problem. Instead of spending less time with his church members and more with his family, the pastor does the exact opposite. These two polar-opposite approaches to solving the underlying problem of being a pastor and a parent give a great starting point for an exploration into the wilderness of parenting while the “pastor-factor” adds even more adventure to an already perilous journey.
“Sheltered” is a term used by many to express the amount of exposure an individual has to the world outside of a certain setting. This may be a good or bad thing as we can see in...
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...ave. One expectation is that the PK should be a role model to other children in the church. Cameron Lee states this expectation in his book Life in a Glass House by saying “like the minister and his wife, the P.K. is somehow expected to be more than human, an example for all” (168). Lee is referring directly to the congregation of the pastor when he makes this statement.
Works Cited
Newman, Alex. "Down side of ministry." Toronto Star (Canada) n.d.: Newspaper Source. EBSCO. Web. 1 Feb. 2010.
Lee, Cameron. PK helping pastors' kids through their identity crisis. Grand Rapids, Mich: Zondervan, 1992. Print.
Lee, Cameron. Life in a glass house the minister's family in its unique social context. Grand Rapids, MI: Ministry Resources Library, 1989. Print.
Mickey, Paul A. Clergy families: Is Normal Life Possible? Grand Rapids, Mich: Zondervan Pub. House, 1991. Print.
Wilson, Barbara S., Arlene Flancher, and Susan T. Erdey. The Episcopal Handbook. New York, NY: Morehouse Pub., 2008. Print.
Mead, Loren B. The Once and Future Church Reinventing the Congregation for a New Mission Frontier . The Alban Institute, Inc., 1991. Kindle eBook file.
Faith plays a pivotal role in our construction of religion. The work of Dr. Sharon Parks analyzes faith development throughout one’s life span but pays special attention to emerging adulthood. Dr. Parks has an extensive academic career which incorporates her attendance of Princeton University’s theological seminary. As well as her attendance of Harvard University’s divinity school where she obtained her doctorate. Through her extensive research in areas such as “developmental psychology, religion, theology, leadership and ethics” (Service Resources, 2014) Parks is able to focus her work on faith development. Her work is influenced by theorists such as Erickson, Piaget, Perry and Levinson but primarily it is based off of Fowlers work in faith development. Her background in teaching and counseling has allowed her close access to seeing students during this important portion of their lives.
Psychology, Theology, and Spirituality in Christian Counseling written by Mark McMinn and published by Tyndale House in 2011 notions towards the idealization that Christian counselors need to be privy in the most recent psychological methods as well as theological theories. “This is a book about counseling processes techniques” (McMinn, 2011, p. 150). McMinn also alluded that Christian counselors benefit from having a spiritual maturity. With having these attributes counselors are better prepared to take note of prayer, Scripture, sin, confession, forgiveness, and redemption. McMinn (2011) model flows in the direction of healing while equating to a more advantageous relationship with The Lord Jesus Christ as well as with other relationships (McMinn, 2011).
Goodstein, Laurie. "Pared-Down Episcopal Church Is Looking to Grow Through ‘Inclusivity’." New York Times. N.p., 18 July 2009. Web. 13 Nov. 2013.
After seeing though the eyes of my pastor I’ve come to realize the importance of faith and committing to one’s beliefs. Returning to church after two massive losses has helped my mother in many ways and it has also taught me as a young man how small things that I could do would turn to have a big impact on someone’s life the same way my pastor impacted my life and the life of my siblings.
Lippy, Charles H., and Peter W. Williams. Encyclopedia of the American religious experience: studies of traditions and movements. New York: Scribner, 1988. Print.
Greg Stier is the executive director, president, and originator of Dare 2 Share Ministries International as of 1991. Stier has instructed over 30,000 Christian adolescents around North America in how to live out their faith in confidence and with boldness. In 1997 he was the guest speaker at the Youth for Christ’s DC/LA events, and he revisited that speakership at Y2K the Fellowship of Christian Athletes forum. “Youth ministry became his full-time focus on April 20, 1999, due to the Columbine High School massacre.” Stier has written such published works as ‘You're Next!’ and ‘Dare 2 Share: A Guide to Sharing the Faith (Focus on the Family)’ as well as several curricula on evangelism preparation. According to Stier, “[he doesn’t] come from a church going… religious family. His was a tough urban family filled with bodybuilding, tobacco chewing, and beer drinking thugs. He recounts how seeming through a lifetime (although not quite that long a time), his tough and thuggish family was led to Christ in one way or another. The impact that Jesus had on his extended family, that from the time he was 11 years of age, he just knew that he was going to be a preacher!” He and his wife Debbie have two children, and currently reside in the Denver area.
...aching their kids, in addition to reinforcing the values and morals that the parents are implanting in their children at home (Hart 1986).
Richardson, R. W. (2005). Bowen Family Systems Theory and congregational life. Review & Expositor, 102(3), 379-402.
...tial ideas and theologies that are absolutely the cornerstone to having a healthy ministry. Ideas like community, grace, love, and forgiveness could all have their own paper written for them individually, but acceptance is absolutely essential to any ministry. To accept someone into your family, just like the father in the story of the prodigal son, is to share all of these values listed above. By accepting them we are showing them grace, love, forgiveness and belonging, that each and everyone one of them so desperately desires. If we as youth pastors can embrace acceptance and also use it genuinely and not as a technique for recruiting, then surely our ministry will grow both in numbers and in depth in the knowledge of the word of God. By doing exactly what God does for us, we can show His love, His grace and His mercy by simply accepting others into our family.
The Family Friendly Church by Ben Freudenburg was an interesting book that I was not entirely sure how I would react to it because I had heard mixed reviews on it from different people; in the end, after reading it, I ultimately liked it. The book talked about a lot of truth in family ministry how it is not that important in many churches. Ben talked about how at one of his first church’s, he and his wife, Jennifer, took on the role of parents in the youth group and once they took another call the ministry fell apart because they had made it all about them and not the actual parents (Page 18). I like that Ben admitted this about his past and got me thinking about my home church’s youth ministry which parents were not prioritized to be involved
Young, D. S. (1999). Servant Leadership for Church Renewal: Sheperds By the Living Springs. Scottdale: Herald Press.
The shepherd and sheep relationship is the best illustration for the relationship between pastor and parishioners. When Jesus asked Simon Peter does he love him three times and said to him “Feed my sheep”, the shepherd and flock relationship has been set. Since Jesus is our good shepherd (Jn. 10:11a), he laid out a good example for us to follow - to lay down his life for the sheep. (Jn. 10:11b) Thus, the wellness of both in and out of the parishioners should always be the concern in the pastors’ hearts. Soul care for the people is essential. Christian friendship is the foundation of Christian soul care. Pastoral ministry including preaching, teaching, and worship forms the broad context of pastoral counseling. Pastoral care is within pastoral ministry but broader than pastoral counseling. God’s love is the source and motivation. Within the pastoral care, there are spiritual direction and pastoral
When one sets out to accomplish a task, it is imperative that a goal be set. Dr. Crabb sets forth the goals for Christian counseling as “MOVE OVER and MOVE UP” (Crabb, 1977). Dr. Crabb theorizes that a counselor must help a client move over into the pathway of spiritual obedience and to move up in which the client obeys not only externally, but also internally (Crabb, 1977). By moving up, the client not only experiences a change in thinking, but ultimately that change also involves a change of heart, changed goals, and a transformation of the personality (Crabb, 1977). The effective Christian counselor will be able to look beyond the “fundamentally self-centered” goals of their clients and will be able to set a goal of helping the client find “spiritual and psychological maturity” (Crabb, 1977).