I come from a prodigious, relatively convolute family. Both my mother and my father were married, previous to meeting and marrying one another. From those marriages came my two older half-sisters, one from my mother’s first marriage, one from my father’s first marriage. When their first marriages failed, my father and mother met and married, then myself and my three biological brothers were brought into the world. After fourteen years of marriage my parents were divorced. Shortly after being divorced both my mother and father found their way into new marriages. When my father married my step-mother I gained two step-brothers. Finally, once my mother remarried for the third time, my half-sister was born into the family. Complicated would be too mild of a word to describe growing up with such a family.
The ultimate demise of my parents marriage was due, in part, to my mother’s infidelity. My brothers and I were caught in the middle of intense marital warfare on a daily basis. My childhood permeated with hostility and animosity. One might assume with that type of environment, and the obvious neglect of advantageous relationships, I too would find it hard to sustain a healthy relationship with the opposite sex. That assumption would be correct. It was not until my step-mother came into the picture, that I understood what a normal, healthy, loving relationship looked like. However, the damage was done, the trust was gone and my heart had irrevocable damage. The lasting effects of an odious divorce on a child are rather uncanny if you ask me.
As If my mother leaving after the divorce was not enough, it was only a short amount of time before my father and step-mother rekindled the romance they had lost almost twenty years prior. All...
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...tive manner. I am proud to say, that who I was in the past is not who I am today. I have spent the last five years of my life trying to reshape my thinking and to live the life that God intended for me, instead of the life that I wanted for myself. It is by no coincident, that once I devoted my life to God and chose to live for him, and strive to be like him, my life turned around. I am now more cognizant of what will happen if I choose to confront conflict with hostility. I see things in a new light and have a role model that will always teach me the right way to deal with people and situations. I have also learned to take what was in my past and turn it into something much better. I will definitely make sure that I raise my daughter to understand how to deal with conflict in a healthy manner, and pray that she will be better at relationships than I have ever been!
My father had a girlfriend within two months of my parents divorce. He probably had her before then, we just found out two months after. My dad did not tell us, but we knew. That was until, sick of the lies, I brought it up to him. I will never forget the anger and fear in his eyes as we finally tore down the lies that had kept us safe for so long. The hope we kept in those lies was gone, faced with the grim reality of my father’s sadness.
Karen Horney “Distrust between sexes” proceeds go into the different aspects of Love and Relationships. In this book Horney gives examples on how women deal with emotions which transitions from childhood to adult life. The fundamentals of documentation are displayed in unavoidable ways in most occurrences people run into. People are blind to the fact that love in relationships can be destroyed by overt or covert? In some cases lack of sympathy is then blamed, when relationships don’t work out between two individuals. Some couples fall into social, economic defaults which impacts the relationships. These are issues people never stop to think about, all they want to do is shift the blame to one another in a relationship. Self-preservation is a basic instinct for everyone and is present at birth. This can enhance the natural fear of losing ourselves in a relationship (Horney 1930). In Horney discussions I found that a person only feels despair because of the deep emotions of abundant from “Love” during childhood. That can develop more mixed emotions that turn into mistrust, which causes delusions that tell them they are not getting love from their partner (Horney 1930). With these types of feelings mistrust sips into relationships, starting from a child carries over into adult life. Reasons are when a child comes into the world learns everything it needs to know from its parent. If the child’s emotional needs are not taken care of when the family increases, the child will feel a need to compete for affection from the parents, which could turn into a painful situation. With this being said the child grows into an adult with suppressed aggression. If he/she has not learned how to deal with...
Boy meets girl. Girl and boy fall in love and get married. Girl and boy have children and life could not possibly get any better. Many years later: Boy and girl start to notice something different in their relationship, something wrong. They decide that their relationship is over, whether they’re both happy with that decision or not and they divorce. Boy and girl’s children see them divorce. Children process the divorce in different ways, and it stays with them for the rest of their lives. People who experience a divorce are affected by it, whether they want to be or not. More often than not, those effects are negative. Before any parents make a rash decision, and before any children put judgment on their parents for messing them up, let’s take a look at the thing people call DIVORCE and how it affects those involved.
“Studies show 35% of people who marry get a divorce, and 18% of those divorced are divorced multiple times” Clinton, Hart, & Ohlschlager, (2005). The rate of divorce of United States families continues to increase and is one of the most perplexing experiences for children. There are many reasons couples decide to end their ties to each other. Whatever the reasons, ending a relationship means that all individual that has ties to each other must adjust to a new way of living. The married couple may experience the stages of loss, such as, the experience of grief. Additionally, their young children will undergo these feelings too! It is vital that couples with children seek guidance and understanding on how to help the entire family deal and cope with the emotional process and stages of grief of their divorce.
Wallerstein, J. S., & Lewis, J. M. (2004). The unexpected legacy of divorce: Report of a 25-year study. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 21(3), 353-370.
Most people divorce due to uncertain, complicated reasons. Perhaps divorce is a way for some to escape insecurities or personal problems. It’s no secret that divorce has helped people run from their problems instead of facing them. It is easily arguable that divorce is the primary cause of family destruction and relationships. According to American Psychological Association, about 90 percent of the twenty-first century marry by the age of 50 (APA). The APA states that healthy marriages are essential for couples’ mental and physical health. They are also influential when raising children; it also acknowledges that raising children in a happy home shields them from mental, physical, educational and social problems. Nevertheless, approximately
Girgis, George, & Anderson (2011) define marriage as the union of a man and a woman who make a permanent and exclusive commitment to each other of the type that is naturally (inherently) fulfilled by bearing and rearing children together. These marriages are intended to last eternity and are partially accomplished by raising children together, yet four of every ten marriages lead to divorce and of these divorces, 35% involve children (Ambert, 2009). Children tend to blame themselves for the divorce and are usually caught in the crossfire. These divorces lead to both stress and depression for children and without a strong sense of family, children will have a huge disadvantage over children with a stable healthy family (Arreola, Hartounian, Kurges, Maultasch, & Retana, 2013). Without the ability to cope with the stress of a divorce, children can be effected in multiple ways including a change in mentality, unacceptable behavioural traits and both short and long term emotional factors that will ultimately lead to a critical issue in child development.
changed and that was her belief in me… because of her unconditional love I am the person that I am today… her reassurance and patience made all the difference.
An absence of a parent or a parent’s separation, divorce, when a child is developing, may affect the child’s future relationships. “Evidence shows that, on average, children who have experienced parental divorce score somewhat lower than children in first-marriage families on measures of social development, emotional well-being, self-concept, academic performance, educational attainment, and physical health” (Demo, Supple)
Block, Kelsey, and Sophie Spiegel . “Department of Applied Psychology.” The Impact of Parental Divorce on Emerging Adults’ Self-Esteem - Applied Psychology OPUS - NYU Steinhardt, steinhardt.nyu.edu/appsych/opus/issues/2013/spring/blockspiegel.
I have three siblings along with three nephews. I have a younger sister, older sister, and one older brother. My older sister is the one that had my nephews. We all lived under the same roof until I moved out for college. My mother was more like my father in the house because my father was away working for us, and even though my siblings are her children, it seems that they 're her siblings too. It felt that I was the parent of my nephews and little sister because of the way I had to care for them because everyone else was working. I connect with my immediate family firmly. We always look out for each other because we mean so much to one another. I
...ts kids greatly with depression, rebellion, or inspiration/motivation subsequently occurring in their lives. No matter how much a child tries to act like he/she experiences no effects from the separation of mom and dad, divorce inevitably affects them. Every divorce differs from every other divorce and effects each child in its own unique was as well. Some are impacted in a positive way but most of the time it takes a negative toll on them. Regardless the affect, every kid needs someone who unconditionally stays by their side throughout the duration of their time in need. Because every divorce is as unique as a human fingerprint, no divorce ever comes with an instruction manual, explaining how to handle this, or how to avoid that, nor does it bring an easy way to handle its devastating blows that it presents children, especially if on takes it head on in solitude.
My family and family history starts like most people’s. Two people fell in love, they had kids, their kids had kids and so on and so forth. But where we come from and who we are, is a completely different story. From our European roots, to the mixing of our blood once my family migrated to America, my family is quite complex but one that I am proud of and love greatly.
Many changes for the good and some were bad but, there were some learning experiences that help make me a better person. The events in my life, was dealing with the Birth and The Death of my first daughter.
To begin with, my parents had been together for a few years before they decided they were going to get married. When they got married, they decided to live in Alden together and start a family. They had my sister first, and then about a year and a half later, they had me. Three years later, they decided to have my younger brother. When I was three, my parents ended up getting divorced. It ended up not working out because they were arguing a lot of the time. I’m not aloud to see my mom because she is on drugs and was very abusive in the relationship with my dad.