Mulder Coats Himself In Off-Brand Deodorant

624 Words2 Pages

Two hours before Scully shows up, Mulder shaves and coats himself in off-brand deodorant, the self-defeating kind that stains shirts. Two weeks worth of sweat equals a lot of deodorant. He wonders why he’s so nervous waiting for someone he doesn’t even want to talk to. His desk looks like the desk of someone who spends a lot time at his desk and only cleans under threat of death or visit from Scully, which, nowadays, means a very messy desk indeed. That’s not to say Mulder hasn’t tried to tidy things up. The problem is that, as far as housekeeping goes, he peaked at whatever stage involves taking a feather duster and flicking your wrist limply once or twice for good measure. It's’s been a downhill battle ever since. Where he sleeps is where his eyes close shut, and they don’t, not without sleeping pills and the drowning chatter of TV for company and exhaustion so overwhelming it swallows up …show more content…

Rates of masturbation have reached an all time low, which he blames equally on the decorations and the new pills he’s on. As grotesque as the little stuffed Santa is, the idea of putting away said ornaments in a month is so loathsome he can feel his knees buckle beneath him. Maybe Santa can stay year round. Over there is Scully’s room, the inside of which he thinks he still remembers but doesn’t really, because he refuses to walk within ten feet of the door, much less open it. For once the toilet seat goes up and stays up, but any feeling of victory is short-lived and soon replaced by swathing emptiness. Nothing cuts into loneliness like heated arguments with loved ones over things that don’t matter. His return to bachelorhood was not laced with triumph, only shame, the tail-between-your-legs kind of shame that burns your cheeks and sends you running toward the porch to gasp for

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