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Differences in Men and Women’s Communication
Differences in men and women’s communication can create some difficulty when it comes to first impressions, finding a potential partner, and maintaining relationships. Research shows that men tend to be more dominate when it comes to first impressions (Deyo, Walt, & Davis, 2011) and are more likely to talk about their interests, such as sports, rather than self-disclose personal information (Bond, 2009). Women, on the other hand, tend to discuss more personal topics a (Bond, 2009) and assess the man’s mannerisms and characteristics for compatibility (Deyo, Walt, & Davis, 2011).
Why is it so important to understand the differences between men and women’s communication? Being able to understand and identify the differences between men and women’s communication will help initiate and maintain healthy relationships. For example, men and women have different ideas of what is an “effective” first impression. Women tended to use “appearance enhancing strategies” to attract attention; men rated theses attempts as most effective (Frisbee, Dillow, Gaughan, & Norlund, 2009). However, men also used “appearance enhancing strategies” (Toma & Hancock, 2009) but women rated “using resource enhancing tactics or dominance over the competition” as most effective (Frisbee, Dillow, Gaughan, & Norlund, 2009).
Poor communication strategies can cause tentative conversations and further any conflict that has already risen. For example, in mixed-sex conditions, men and women were more tentative when discussing topics that were particular to the other sex (Palomares, 2009). Meaning, that unless the woman was knowledgeable about sports, she would more tentative during a conversation with a man about sports than...
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...unicate differently, it is important to know how to utilize communication strategies effectively, in order to handle any conflict. One study states that men are more likely to distract themselves when they know conflict is coming, whereas women are more likely to focus on the conflict. When a mood changing event occurs, men search for “distracting media stimuli” immediately after the event instead of focusing on the conflict. Women distracted themselves with “less absorbing stimuli” and progressed to more distracting media. These results show the different coping mechanisms of men and women. Women are usually though to have more coping skills than men. However, studies show that men and women have equal coping skills, but in different ways. Men use distraction as a coping mechanism, where women are more likely to “ruminate” on conflicts (Knobloch-Westerwick, 2007).
Whereas I notice my friends and I openly discuss topics our thoughts in public. Understanding this difference between sexes can help one to communicate better realizing that women are going to talk in private and men will typically show off in
Deborah Tannen is the author of “Sex, Lies and Conversation: Why is it So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other”. Tannen is a linguist who researches the relationships between men and women. She has not only conducted research, but has information published in several books and essays about this topic. Her research includes talking with several of groups and collecting data on the behalf of their response. In her essay, “Sex, Lies and Conversation,”Tannen argues that complications arise in marriages and relationships because individuals are not able to communicate with members of the opposite sex.
The book You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, written by Deborah Tannen, is an analytical book offering scientific insights on the conversational differences between women and men. The book is copyrighted 1990 and is still read and widely talked about all over the world. Tannen is a Professor of Linguistics at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C. Tannen is a graduate of the University of California-Berkeley and has a doctorate’s degree in linguistics. She is a highly creditable author who has written many books on social differences between women and men. Some of her other books include: That’s Not What I Meant: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships and Talking From 9 to 5: Women and Men in the Workplace. Her books have been translated into 26 languages and are still read by thousands of people every year (Tannen 13).
David Grazian’s study builds on Quinn’s research on men and women's interactions and Grazian finds similar results as Quinn did in her study. In the study of Grazian the performance of both men and women was driven by both genders trying to prove that they are as the audience (society) says they should be. Society has men believing that all women want only one type of man, a masculine man and society has woman believing that men want women who are quite, pretty and live to make their man happy. Both parties in both studies have been fooled by society and they don’t realize or understand
Verbal communication is intended to deliver a specific message (Carnes, 2015). It is ideal for communicating face to face, long distance, or even using technology driven formats (Carnes, 2015). Nonverbal communication is immediate (Carnes, 2015). Through the eyes or even a soft touch, emotions can be displayed (Carnes, 2015). As it relates to men and women, there are differences in how both use verbal and non-verbal communication. Men communicate verbally to offer solutions that are goal oriented (Carnes, 2015). Women communicate verbally to show empathy and focus on relationship building (Carnes, 2015). On the other hand, women are very in tune to understanding non-verbal communication, while men tend to miss subtle signals (Carnes,
Deborah Tannen is the author of the book You Just Don't Understand where she analyzes the different meanings of communication between men and women. Her research shows that women and men use the same words and phrases and yet can interpret and react to those same words and phrases differently. Tannen compares the two sexes to find men use their conversation as a type of competition or to preserve their independence. For example, men talk about their knowledge regarding sports, cars, women, exc. Meanwhile, women try to foster intimacy through communication. For instance, women often talk and relate on a personal level. Throughout Tannen's book she uses "cross-cultural communication" to describe the differences between the language of men and women. Tannen observed that, "For males, conversation is the way you negotiate your status in the group and keep people from pushing you around; you use talk to preserve your independence. Females, on the other hand, use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy; talk is the essence of intimacy, so being best friends means sitting and talking. For boys, activities, doing things together, are central. Just sitting and talking is not an essential part of friendship. They're friends with the boys they do things with" (Tannen 95).
There is a large problem when it comes to communication between men and women, whether it is between children, teenagers, or adults; because of a cross gender society. Once both sides understand this “cross-culture communication” problem, so that no gender is blamed, improvement will naturally occur. Deborah Tannen, is an award winning writer and a best selling author for her eccentric essays based on differences of male and female conversations. In the essay, “Sex, Lies and Conversation” she writes on the many distinctions of the style of conversations on both men and women.
Communication between males and females has always been somewhat complicated. Because we are arguing that males and females have different cultures we wanted to take a look at what some of these differences might be. According to our research the inherent differences between male and female culture are the different roles that society holds for them and the ways these roles lead to different communication styles. The stereotypes that men and women grow up with affect the types of ways in which they communicate. We first wanted to take a look at how they specifically differ while men and women are arguing or having normal conversations. We also looked at the different types of networks that men and women share. These networks also differ and as do the reasonings for their formation. Although we do not think that men and women need to change their cultures to effectively communicate, we do think that better communication is possible. One of the researchers we took a look at was Deborah Tannen. According to Tannen the reason that men and women do not communicate well is that men and women use language differently. Women take the attitude that conversation is to explore solutions to common problems while men concern themselves more with getting information and hard data from conversation. Tannen states that what women look for in communication is human connection, while men consider status to be most important. They are looking for independence and are constantly looking for higher accomplishments. Intimacy threatens this independence, so men have a tendency to avoid it. One of the old sayings about women is that they talk more than men. It turns out that it is not necessarily true. Women seem to talk more in private conversations than do men. Women do not generally have a fear of intimacy and therefore are much more open with one another during private conversations. It is more difficult for women to use this type of communication style in the public arena. In that case it is men that do most of the talking. Tannen ultimately argues that men use communication as a weapon. They use long explanations to command attention from who it is they are speaking to. They use it to convey information and to ultimately gain agreement. Tannen suggests that through even simple conversation men are continually protecting their status. She sugg...
Lieberman, Simma. “Differences in Male and Female Communication Styles” Simma Lieberman Associates (undated). Retrieved February 25, 2010<
Further evidence of communicative differences exist between men and women in various other social settings as well. Consider, for example, those individuals employed in customer service-related Jobs. While in JC Penny, I noticed that female customer service representatives were more apt to offer immediate friendly assistance than the male reps. Men are not as cocky nor as confident in this sort of situation; their eyes tend to dart around the area of the store while the eyes of a women remain focused upon the eyes of the customer. The men seem to communicate with a lot less smiles. Apparently they have to get past a certain “ice-breaking'; point before they will feel comfortable with a genuine look of happiness.
“Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence” says Tannen(27). For some couples finding that certain weight that will balance the scale of communication can become interesting and a hard task. In the book You Just Don’t Understand, written by Deborah Tannen, she gives many examples of how men and women compete for a gender hierarchy, in which she believes that males and females compete for status in society. She often believed that guys look down upon women, and do not care about what they think. So by competing for a hierarchy, women and men almost challenge one another for social and professional status. It’s almost a game in which there isn’t really a winner, but that both females and males excel over each other while trading places on the platform of conversational hierarchy. For example, a man talking over and interrupting a fellow female colleague because he believes that his rapport talk, which is common conversation that one would have with friends and peers, is more important than her input on the subject. So perhaps in turn she will do her part to rise above the man when she gets a chance, perhaps giving an informative presentation since women are better at report talking, which is conversation of which a person speaks about technical and gives information that is more than just connection to peers. Tannen also says, “the essential element of connection is symmetry: People are the same, feeling equally close to each other. The essential element of status is asymmetry: People are not the same; they are differently placed in a hierarchy”(Tannen 53) Tannen is trying to say that symmetry, is when men and women are talking to each other trying to make...
Communication is everywhere. Communication can rage anywhere from writing to speaking and just about everyone does this. For many years there has been problems with male and female communication. Women typically state how men do not listen to them while men say they do listen to women but men do not know how to show that they are. In an article written by Deborah Tannen titled “Sex, Lies, and Conversation” she talks about why it’s so hard for men and women to communicate. The information in Tannen’s article is useful because the reader can apply it to their everyday conversations with the opposite gender and gain a better understanding of the person’s point of view.
One of the most important topics in communications is gender communications and that is why I decided to write about it. Gender communication is communication about and between women and men. It is the most important thing to almost everyone in the world. I learned about gender communication in a class last year with Naaeke and I think it is really important to have if any ones wants to have a good relationship with someone and everyone usually wants to build there life through a relationship between a man and a women.
Some theorists, like Lakoff, that both genders are innately different when it comes to communication and therefore both genders are treated differently (Lakoff 1975: 50). Foels, Driskell, Mullen, and Salas believe that both genders do not communicate differently in the least and instead communication techniques vary according to the situation or context in which a person interacts (Foels, Driskell, Mullen, Salas 200: 676-677). Some, like Tannen and Wood, even believe that the main distinction between male and female talk is not that both genders communicate differently; it is that males and females simply misunderstand each other (Tannen 1990: 363,368; Wood 2009: 7-8, 25). Arguments from theorists Cameron, Coates, Ostermann, West et al, and Harvey will also be explored when analyzing the gender distinctions evident in communication. Recognizing particular cues that concern a certain situation can be taught and may not be gender-dependent. There do seem to be appropriate ways to communicate based on what one is attempting to achieve in conversation – having nothing to do with gender. Examples in the transcription of the conversation of four females I observed show that females tend to speak in higher pitches. But other theories may suggest that women are merely socialized to communicate in this way – based upon culture, environment, context, etc.
Tannen, D. (2007). You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. New York, NY: Harper.