Dear Jen,
At the moment, I am sitting here thinking of you and everything that we have been through. I would say that I have no idea how we have made it this far, if I did not believe in there being one person that you are destined to be with, but I do. We have had our share of ups and downs, plus so much more. Things have happened to us that we can truly say no one else has had to go through, but regardless we made it through.
When we first met I did not know how to trust anymore. The spirit of life had been taken from me, but somehow you helped me find it again. At the time we met, I was going through some hard times, but when others turned their backs on me, you stood by my side. You were determined to be there for me and for that I thank God every day that he sent you to me. If I would have known that when I told about my past you would be there to help me through it, then I would have told you a long time ago.
I know that I start things between us a lot of the time, but even you know why. You know that it took a lot for me to trust you, but now I do. I am so happy that you are still here with me, being patient, and still by my side. So many people say that I will not make it far in life, but they do not understand me, let alone know me. So many of those people do not know how hard you push me to make something of myself. In the past, I honestly believed that I would not make it anywhere, but now I know that as long as I am happy and still alive, with you by my side I am doing great and can achieve anything.
Every day that I wake up and every night before I fall asleep, I thank God that we met, because without you I would be nothing. Through the hard times you have held my hand, through the rough times you have held me close to you, and through the ups and downs you have stayed by my side. What else could I ask for? When I am sick you tuck me in. You have brought back the person that everyone loved and have helped me learn to be the person I always wanted and knew I could be.
I love you with every ounce of my being my dear, I have been faithful to you and will continue to be.
Do you remember the first time we met? I do as I cannot shake the memory. It was love at first sight. I’ll never forget the feeling I had. A warmth overcame my body as you stoked a fire in my heart. It was like I had spent my life drowning in the sea around me and you were that breath of fresh air as I pulled myself out. My cares and concerns melted away. I was complete. You were exactly what I had been missing in my life. My better half you completed me you made me whole. Your touch, your scent, your glistening radiance I took it all in. I felt its force enter my body working its way to the very center of my soul. It felt like a real living breathing thing coalescing within my life force touching parts of me I never knew existed. You awakened some innate primal desire and I needed you at all times.
Even though our team, “The Stingers”, eventually changed to “The Velocity”, one girl, Christina, was always there for me and continues to be by my side today. Through playing on the same soccer team for nine seasons, we developed a bond that will not easily be broken. We can look at each other and just start laughing for no reason. I know all of her drama and she knows mine. Our mutual trust that was developed on the soccer field has branched into every aspect of our lives. I know I can turn to her at any moment and she will quit whatever she is doing and come to my rescue. Likewise, she knows I will always be there to help her through any situation, no matter how difficult it may be. Recently, when Christina received the heart wrenching news that her mom has breast cancer, I stood right by her side to help her through it. She was able to lean on me for support when it was too overwhelming for her to handle on her own. When she needed to get away from the stresses of her mom’s health, we would hang out and just talk for hours on end. Similarly, when my relationship with a mutual friend was struggling, Christina was there to help me get through it. She encouraged me to stay strong and continue to treat our friend with respect even though she neglected me and our decade of friendship.
You came into my life and changed me forever. Over the years people have complimented me for being a good mother but I can't take credit for that. You were born good and you were the one who was often teaching me. I believe you are an angel God sent to teach me. You taught me love. You taught me honesty. You taught me how to forgive and how to be strong. You are the strongest person I have ever known and you gave me strength when I was weak. When times were sad and tough I looked to you for strength. You taught me how to be myself. Most of all you taught me about life and how to live.
I am proud and grateful to call you one of my closest friends. In English we were instructed to write an essay on someone that has had an impact on our life. Trevor wrote about Greg, others wrote about their parents and I wrote about you. I would give this to you, but it is horrible writing. I did call you laudable though, so I think that makes up for it. So for the first of many thank you’s in this letter, thank you for never giving up on me, especially when everyone else had.
Today as I have sat here and listened to every last word that you have said I see the amount of damage I have caused you. I promised you so many things and look how many I gave you if I could go back in time and start from scratch I would start with making sure that I drove to see you no matter how much it would have upset my family. There were times that I thought you understood where I was coming from but it is clear to me now that I have broke you down more than I would ever want to imagine. You say that you love me and you care about me more than you have for anyone you say that I changed your life. Only if you realized how much you have changed mine you have made me love myself and be proud of who I am still to this day though we have had some pretty rough times you hold me up.
I felt invincible, free, and loved as long as you had my hand grasped in mine. Not only did you make me feel safe and loved, yet you also made me feel intelligent and brave. I will never forget the numerous times you drove 3 hours to our house so you could help me with my studies for all those difficult math tests. One of those times, particularly stands out to me. It was two days before my first statistics final and I called you on the phone to see if you could study with me over some statistics material I was struggling with.
Anna and I spent many evenings doing her homework together for the two English classes she decided to take. One of her first writing assignments was to write a two page paper on who her hero was. She asked me to read her paper to make sure that there were no grammatical or punctuation errors and as I was reading her paper tear welled up in my eyes. She wrote that her hero was me. How my unselfishness to have a complete stranger stay in my home and to allow this stranger to have the same luxuries and experiences that I get in my everyday life was something she had never experienced before. She was grateful that I had "chose" her as a student to stay in my home and that she was very blessed to have someone who cared so much.
I met her in the autumn right after she had taken a terrible fall going to her mailbox and I was hired by her family as an in home aide. Her name was Jane* and she became a fast friend and provided me with never to be forgotten lessons that cant be taught within the walls of a school. Jane took the time to prove to me that I was worth loving and showed me unconditional love that at the time I couldn’t find. In the end all I have left are a few cherished memories, a pearl necklace, and some of the best lessons in life.
I love you and only you and want you and only you. I could never have imagined or wished for such a blessing. When it comes to you and me being together and how lucky we are to be in love, I smile and my heart skips a beat.
The first time I met him my heart felt as though I had met him before. There are no words that can clearly articulate the connection. It was a magnetic energy, an intuitive knowing and everything felt right. There was no matter of space or time but we had found our way to each other, there was an instant feeling of security, he fit so perfectly into my life it was as if somehow he had been there all along. He was someone that I couldn't imagine being without.
...to my dream school, and I have a boyfriend who treats me so well. He wants me to be happy and does everything he can to ensure that. He is driving up to Ithaca on Christmas Eve just so he can see me on Christmas Day. While I still miss you, I am happy with the way my life in Lenox went and I am happy with my life at Brown. I have been so lucky to have so many good people around me to help me first smile and then trust again. For a long time I felt really guilty about being happy with my life in Lenox. I felt as though being glad to be in Lenox was in some way also celebrating your death. I think, though, you wouldn't have wanted your death to be the end of my life. And it hasn't. What I went through to get here wasn't great but I don't think that I would want to change it because in the end the bad experiences are so outnumbered by the good ones.
With each passing moment, my heart seems to yearn for our reunion with even greater ardor, despite my prior belief that my love for you had already reached the zenith of human emotion. Over the course of our long and painful separation, I have experienced and endured more than I ever thought I would within the vicinity of my time on this earth, and have been forced to drastically revise my interpretations of both pure bliss and anguish.
Seven years have passed since our first encounter and in those past seven years, we have made many memories and parted ways several times. Whenever we parted ways, we were led back to each other as if there was a spark between us. Ever since you entered my life I felt as if God somehow sent one of his angels down to me. Over the last few months, I feel like my heart has grown stronger because of the love I have for you. This love gets stronger and stronger each and every day.
You are so full of wisdom about life that when you speak I could stay there forever and listen to your open mind, for it is peaceful and inviting. Anthony, you have become my awakening, you have helped me see things in a brighter way, happier, and more enlightening way. I was once drowning from my own fears, completely cynical about love, hope, and security. I used to think that no one understood me and never would. Then one day before I knew you personally, you came into my thoughts and I wasn't sure why you were there. Suddenly I felt reassured and a smile was brought to my face. I believe deep down that I loved you then.