Personal Narrative Essay: The Field Tree

The field tree was such an odd choice of location for my grandmother’s ashes, but my aunts and uncles were adamant about this decision because of the love she had for its beauty. It’s such a shame that it takes a tragic, life-changing experience before most people to appreciate life itself; this was my story and what possibly saved my life. Five years ago I was an entirely different person, the woman I am today despises who I used to be. I was living between my parent’s house and my ex-boyfriend’s (Jason) grandmothers house at age 26; an overweight, unemployed party animal with no drive, motivation, or intention of ever doing anything different. Jason’s sister, Larae, was my best friend. She was a single parent of 2 children living in the projects and living on welfare. We partied and drank with no responsibilities, and I thought this was the way life was and will always be.

My niece walked up to the tree to sing a song while my uncle spread her ashes, and we all sat on the trailer awaiting her final departure. She started to sing, and then the ashes flew. It was windy that day and it carried her ashes much further than intended; this made me very emotional. I kept thinking, “that’s my grandma; she’s just a pile of dust flying in the air.” I began to cry hysterically to the point where I couldn’t breathe or see. “She was a person, I could have spent more time with her, what if she didn’t know how much I loved her?”, were the words that kept repeating in my mind. My whole family was in shock at how badly I was taking it, especially since I was not close to her. I, myself, couldn’t even grasp why it was tearing me apart so badly, and then it hit me; she died knowing that I had gone nowhere in my life; she died and was never able to feel proud of me; she died with the belief I will always be the person I was. This was the turning point that would change my life