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Psychological effects of mental ill health
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My head is spinning. My stomach is twisted in knots with a mixture of emotions: anxiety, excitement, worry, hope, terror, longing and love. Love I did not know I could feel. The day has finally arrived. Patience is not one of my attributes but I have been patient, more than you can imagine. Anticipation overwhelms me. Ages I have been waiting and to think I am only moments away… The room is at the end of the long silent corridor, with each second that passes I am closer, closer to your fate and my fate. But, I do not want to get closer. I want to run but there is no chance. I want you desperately but not this way. I am petrified as the double doors loom ahead of me. Tears streak my face glistening in the dull light. I wipe them away. I have to be strong. You are the answer that’ll make everything perfect. There was a way out. I didn’t follow it. I thought they were wrong, I thought it was not true. I hoped they are wrong, I hope it is not true. I still don’t know though. The double doors tower above me, as I get closer, they are calling my name softly, embracing me silently. Entering the room I feel an icy chill down my spine and goose bumps on my arm, I can’t help but imagine death calling me, soul hungry. The room is large and immaculate. People surround me but still I feel isolated. I am isolated. I have no one. Yet. I am reminded of the procedures I will undergo but I cannot comprehend the words spoken. Trembling I open my mouth to speak but no sound is uttered. A piece of cloth covers my view and I feel an awkward sensation on my abdomen. Minutes pass away with only the clicking of metal equipments filling the silence and the odd footstep. A knife pierces my skin causing pain beyond b... ... middle of paper ... ...h while I try to comfort you. A velvet blanket has disguised the truth. I tell you that any minute the pain will stop that if you let me hold you close in my arms everything will disappear. I wake up each day hoping for a miracle. My eyes are never dry, my heart is numb it has no feeling. I need you to rescue me from the dark place I have fallen in. The smell of toast wafts up through the slightly ajar door making me nauseous. The empty sensation I had before I met you has gone you have filled my hunger. The desire and fixation I felt for Jamie vanished the moment I saw you and reality struck me hard. I can only apologise for my vindictive actions full of envy that have caused you, Jamie and Stacey so much pain but I know words will never be enough. The only way to show I am truly remorseful would be to wind time back but that can never happen.
You're in your hotel room.You're banged up, numb and alone. You don't want to go downstairs to the bar or restaurant. The walls are breathing. You don't want to talk. Panic sets in and you start weeping. It's something all of us go through.(Behind Fun Façade…)
Anesthesia, “We take it for granted that we can sleep through operations without feeling any pain. But until about 150 years ago, the operating room was a virtual torture chamber because surgeons had no way to prevent the pain caused by their healing knives.”
,black room as the ominous endpoint, the room the guests fear just as they fear death.
Suddenly, the silence is shattered and my mind fills with fearful thoughts as my startled eyes flash open. Knock-knock.
I didn’t know where exactly I was going. But I didn’t care. I walked aimlessly in search of shelter, a place where I could seek refuge. Hours went by, and I was losing hope. When out of the corner of my eye, through the distant, dense foliage. I noticed what could have been salvation. I was fatigued and in a feeble state, was I hallucinating? Or was this real? I stumbled through the valley, my eyes fixated on the dwelling ahead. Much to my delight it was very real. I arrived at the cabin and surveyed the surroundings. The shack itself was isolated, old and tattered, as if unattended to for an eternity. I knocked on the door, and suddenly became overwhelmed by a supernatural feeling. I could hear frantic rumbling and murmuring inside, evidently the occupant wasn’t expecting a visitor. I waited a while longer, and finally the door creaked open and I was greeted by three of the utmost repulsive looking creatures I had ever had the displeasure of laying my eyes on. As disgusted as I was, I was in no position to turn away, I needed their help. They welcomed me into their abode and provided me with nourishment and directions on how to return
I would shut my eyes because I knew what was coming. And before I shut my eyes, I held my breath, like a swimmer ready to dive into a deep ocean. I could never watch when his hands came toward me; I only patiently waited for the harsh sound of the strike. I would always remember his eyes right before I closed my own: pupils wide with rage, cold, and dark eyebrows clenched with hate. When it finally came, I never knew which fist hit me first, or which blow sent me to my knees because I could not bring myself to open my eyes. They were closed because I didn’t want to see what he had promised he would never do again. In the darkness of my mind, I could escape to a paradise where he would never reach me. I would find again the haven where I kept my hopes, dreams, and childhood memories. His words could not devour me there, and his violence could not poison my soul because I was in my own world, away from this reality. When it was all over, and the only thing left were bruises, tears, and bleeding flesh, I felt a relief run through my body. It was so predictable. For there was no more need to recede, only to recover. There was no more reason to be afraid; it was over. He would feel sorry for me, promise that it would never happen again, hold me, and say how much he loved me. This was the end of the pain, not the beginning, and I believed that everything would be all right.
I unwilllingly walked through the entrance of regret and guilt. With teary eyes from what happened the night before, I didn’t know what I could say. All I thought was ‘It was an accident’ but that didn’t matter anymore.
When Everyman was admitted to the hospital as a child for a routine hernia surgery, he didn't believe that anything would go wrong. While he was asleep the night before his surgery, he was woken up by the sound of doctors and nurses at the bed next to him. When he woke up on the morning of his surgery, the little boy was no longer in his bed next to him. “In that moment of terror when they lowered the ether mask over his face as if to smother him, he could have sworn that the surgeon, whoever he was, had whispered, 'Now I'm going to turn you into a girl.'” (Roth 29). His first thoughts were that the doctors had killed the little boy and were going to give him a similarly unpleasant fate. This was the first glimpse of death he had had in his life thus far and it terrified him. Many years later, when he was in his fifties and needed to have s...
I quickly sit up as the nurse’s and doctor's flood into the room. I look around noticing the parents outside the room. The mother's eyes full of tears. The father tried to calm down the mother without making a difference. I stand up and walk out of the room into the lobby.
I continue on and on through the rooms sections, like a rat running through a maze, trying to absorb everything, getting transfixed by even cracks in some of the tiles on the glistening walls. I get to the exit door, and push out to check the dial, being that sure I’m late. I walk at an animated pace towards the dial, and see I made it just in time to not receive retribution from the
“I have to tell my parents, but thanks,” I said before I closed the car door and walked to the front door of my house. What was I going to tell them? I knew my mother was going to be furious when I told her I let some boy into the house when both her and my father were out.
Trilled me---filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before. So now, still in the beating of my heart, I stood repeating. " 'T is some visitor entering my chamber door --- Some late visitors entering my chamber door ;--- This is nothing more."
...ed eyes, vision growing fainter, body becoming paralyzed, and the hum of the hospital machines muting to a dull throb. And slowly I rise, rise into the escape of pure bliss.
When I was a child I used to be frightened of entering such a place for it seemed so imposing and somewhat dangerous, especially when music was being played. One day, in order to keep a promise I had made, I saw myself forced to enter. It took me quite a while to get the courage to pass through the old oak door, but the moment I stepped in, I realized just how enchanting and breathtaking this building could be. Its fantastic architecture and exquisite frescoes reflect perfectly the unity between this earth and the unseen kingdom of angels in such a manner that one cannot say where one ends and the other begins. The way in which the church was built is also the vivid testimony of a medieval period. Although it is a place that can sometimes be cold and ask for respect it is where prayers are answered and magic is done. An overwhelming feeling of inner harmony takes over you once you enter and God seems much closer. Darkness and light are welded perfectly together creating Redemption’s house. The tower allows you to see the entire town from the smallest river to the biggest building site, offering you its mightiness.
It’s about 7:45 P.M. April 15, 2015. Jasmine is calling my name asking if I’m ready to go. As I’m trying to put all the loose ends together, I think I’m ready. My hair is done in a curly up do with a thin white braided hair band, makeup rushed but it will do, and I’m wearing a knee length white dress. Just a simple white dress, form fitting, made from a linen type of material. My stomach is turning and twisting. As my mind is racing we make way to the park. Jasmine seems to be more eager than I am. As we arrive to the park my legs are a trembling mess. I feel like my mind is in a state of chaos. As I feel my chest pumping harder and harder, it feels tighter and tighter. This day will mark a very important day for the rest of my life. Today is the day I marry my husband. On this day my family becomes one.