As you change, you start to notice the people around you change to... Now, realistically they aren’t changing... But you start to notice things about them that you 've never noticed before.
This weekend I have had the opportunity to be with one of my best friends in Ohio... And I have been nothing but irritated.
Now here 's what I noticed. I noticed the time that we both became pretty close... I was in a place where I was always really negative, and I loved to talk about my relationship and cuss and bitch about all of the people in my life...
Well now I am at a point where I have been trying to find the good in every opportunity, even if it isn’t necessarily going my way. I try to remain positive, and speak only when I have something constructive to say. I 've learned to read the room and I started to be able to tell when I need to shut the hell up...
This weekend, I 've finally realized what it felt to hang out with for the past 4 or 5 months before the break up... Negative comments, and excessive vulgarity and talk about your relationship are all among some of the most exhausting things to hear coming out of someone’s mouth... Honestly, I DO NOT CARE.
I have dedicated this weekend to reaching out to new people and getting to meet leaders from all different parts of the countries. I am so excited to be here, and the worst thing to possibly listen to is someone who claims to be a leader just bashing on every aspect of this conference that our chapter has so graciously offered to send us to on their expense. Not once have I felt the need to complain about the facilities or the food or anything that we 've done here all weekend. ...
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... all... But I don 't want to party or talk about alcohol. I do not want to be around that. I don 't want to be a normal college student... And I used to have that perfect environment. But unfortunately it took me too long to realize that. So what do I do?
I feel like I am in a constant struggle of finding just one friend that I can connect with. I can 't ever really find a friend that I can spend hours or days with without being annoyed of them, nor can I find someone who has close values as mine. I supposed someday I will... But it seems so impossible in such a small school in Oklahoma.
I want to get away. I want to transfer. I want to go out of state and explore. I am tired of being held back, I am tired of being stuck in a place that only reminds me of the things that I have lost. I am tired of the heart break that I see everywhere I turn. I am ready to get out.
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