Why Do Even Bother? We All Die? Essay

Why Do Even Bother? We All Die? Essay

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“Why Even Bother? We All Die Anyway.”
“Don’t you just fucking hate when people say, ‘oh, you’ll get over it’ like it is something temporary—like this is something that won’t matter in two days. It’s kind of inconsiderate, you know? Despite that fact that maybe I will get over it in two days, but it’s still none of your fucking business when I decide to get over it. I would just appreciate if people minded their own business.” I spew out of my mouth, without taking a single breath.
“—but, maybe that’s not even a part of it all. Maybe that’s just it. No one can handle their own fucking life, so they decide to worry about everyone else’s. And that’s quite shit, don’t ya’ think? Worrying about everyone else’s life, but your fucking own.” I sigh.
It’s actually funny because I don’t even have any business that needs minding, but if I did, that would be my case to be stated. It 's the truth, but mind you that no one cares about the truth.
“Yeah, well, that’s how it goes right?” Gabe says from behind me.
I was on my third month of chemo and it’s not that I was being cynical—okay, I was being cynical, but it’s not my fault. Finding out you have cancer isn’t really the best of introductions when you think about it and no one just wants to bust out saying ‘oh yeah, hey I’m Paige and I have cancer.’ Not a great intro—but, then again, neither is this one.
“If you had an optimistic outlook on life, I’m sure your life would change for the better,” Gabe says.
“So, you’re saying the reason I have cancer is because I’m a pessimist? I wish someone would’ve told me this sooner.” I outcry.
“I mean that’s why I’m here,” Chris laughs, as he plops down next to me.
“We know why you’re here.”
No one really likes to talk about Chris, he’s...

... middle of paper ...

...red, you know that?”
“Of what? My sanity?”
“Of Cancer.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“The FBI has a secret drug. It’s a cancer cure, no one knows about it. Only us.”
“So we were test dummies?”
“Something like that. They wanted to recruit all of us remember?”
“I remember”
“So, they needed something from us and we needed something from them.”
“You tricked me to come to Cali, so I can get cured of Cancer and become an FBI agent?”
“You don’t want to be cured?”
I didn’t want to be cured that was true. I wanted to die. It may sound sardonic, but it is what it is. So that’s what I did. I pulled the trigger and now I’m dead. Which then makes me a liar because I could’ve stopped this from happening and didn’t I say something about I wanted to die in a way that I couldn’t stop? Yeah, well, we’re all a bunch of fucking liars now aren’t we?

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