On July 30, 1997 30 days after my fifth birthday I lost my mom Pamela Sue Erwin to emphysema. First, emphysema is a condition where you lack oxygen to your lungs, severely too the point you can not get enough oxygen to the brain. I remember vividly the impact this disease had on my mom. I could tell she was miserable and every day that passed she was losing her mind. I remember my brother coming over before the disease progressed, bringing a new paper. He told my mom “If you don’t quite smoking, this will be you.” The picture was of a man on oxygen in the hospital. I was young but it felt like it was yesterday when all of this took place. Another instance, my mom didn’t even know who I was anymore or my dad. I was told at one point she thought my dad was the devil. As she got worse she would set things on fire from her cigarettes and she did not even know where the restroom was. It was graphic so I won’t go into detail. Another example, was my mom was placed in a hospital bed when she was extremely sick in our living room where the couch normally was. I didn’t really know what was going on accept I was forced upstairs so I couldn’t see what was going on. The day she died the tears of my brothers face I will never forget. The last vivid memory was being at the funeral but I still did not understand what was going on. My mind continues to replay the picture of her lying there looking as if she was sleeping. She had a green dress and I can still see the m...
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...emptiness, because apart of me will always have a missing piece for my mom, that part of my life where she was not here to give me hugs, kisses and tell me she loves me. Lastly, this color represents the angel that I know she became and my guardian angel watching over me. These colors that I have expressed take up the whole paper because it was the biggest impact of my life. The two biggest areas of my piece are the heart, which represent the love that I will always have. Along with wings that represent the moment she died I know she became a beautiful angel.
In conclusion, the colors that I express will always be a part of me, no matter how much time has passed. The mixed emotions will always linger but knowing I got that little chance to say mommy for a little while makes me grateful. One thing is for sure, she will always be in my heart and watching from above.
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