I have never thought of myself as perfect and from what i can remember from my past I haven 't been very loved or understood either. I had just lost a brother, but it was no great loss. I know that sounds mean but let me explain. He was kicked out of my family because of his abusive, controlling, and self distructive behavior. My parents tried to get him help but one day he tried to kill one of our dogs, so my parents had him sent away to live with his real dad. He 's my half brother. I have 3 brothers the 2 older are half, from my mom, and the one youngest is my whole. Right now I will tell you about the one that was kicked out, because this is how it all started. We will call him Brother1. Brother1 was always crule to me. He would hurt me and then get me introuble with my mom, and if mom is angry then dad is angry. So i never had it easy. Even when he was finally gone i would have nightmares of him and to this day i still do.
Once he left my family started to treat me better. It wasn 't till my older brother2 got into car reck that things started to go wrong. He survived but his personality changed. He use to be funny and nice. Now he is mean and takes his anger out on everyone. But no one says anything becasue they say, "He 's just in pain, we just have to let him vent." His venting is usually towards me. Sometimes its towards my parents, but he knows they 're the ones that take care of him. So in the end all ...
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...ore and said she wanted to be with me. I 'm going in to the Air Force, i gave up college for her. Yeah i need to get away form my family, but i wanted someone to love. Now love is gone. She got a new boyfriend with in a few hours. My heart is shatered in a million peacies.
So who do i talk to now? My family treats me badly and the girl i loved is gone and happy. I spend my nights trying not to cry or think. I sleep in late and i stay up watching movies and reading books. Now i 'm back online. I leave for basic on the first of december. Not enough time to find someone. I 'll spend christmas alone, and i 'll be going forward not knowing where i might end up. I am scared, but i know i must be strong.
So why am i telling you all this? I don 't really know. Part of me just needed to get it off of my chest. And if you have read this, then Thank you. I trully meen that.
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