How I found out

If I had to choose one question I was asked most about being adopted it would have to be the following, “when did you find out you were adopted?” When people ask me this I don't know how to reply. Although this question happens to be the most popular it also happens to be the most difficult as well. I don't struggle because I don't know the answer, I struggle for the question makes a presumption which isn't necessarily valid. The presumption being I found out I was adopted which in my experience I don't feel I did. To find something out conveys an idea of uncovering or discovering something. Rather if the question were rephrased and asked when did I know I was adopted then perhaps I could answer. You see I grew up with the knowledge, I never found out so to speak because it was never a secret. It was always an open subject that me and my brothers came from different families and I'm grateful my parents took this approach. I have two older brothers and we're all adopted from different biological parents. It was more a knowing procedure than a finding out procedure if I had to classify the experience. Now I do realise I may be coming across as slightly pedantic here but it is for a reason. I'm trying to highlight the point that not everyone remembers receiving the news of their adoption at a single sitting. For me there was no day of reckoning and this concept falls prey to the television soap storyline. That's not to say it doesn't happen. I'm not decrying from those who've experienced this but it's not the only way it happens.

My parents never hid the facts regarding my adoption and I feel fortunate they took this approach. Fortunate as I really didn't want to be one of those people who think they're Mary and then twenty years d...

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...e that risk of what they do with the information. In the case of adoption a risk is the child rejecting you and young children aren't always shy with their feelings. I'm sure as an adoptive parent the prospect of rejection must be daunting, making it a big risk to take by being open. But I believe it's one of those scenario's in life when our commitment to truth and openness can be rewarded. No single person can control another's reaction, we don't know how a child will respond to this information. But I think children are very versatile and open and what can be more important is the trust and honesty they are shown by others around them whether that be teachers, parents or general care providers. When children feel they are respected and heard by the trust and openness demonstrated by those around them, children respect them back. And with respect can come love.