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After listening to Gotama’s teachings, Siddhartha had an awakening. He thought, “The reason why I do not know anythng about myself, the reason why Siddhartha has remained alien and unknown to myself is due to one thing, to one single thing—I was afraid of myself, I was fleeing from myself.” He realized that he was seeking Brahman and wished to destroy himself rather than finding and getting to know himself. This awakening set Siddhartha onto another stage in his journey. During the beginning of this stage, Siddhartha saw things in a completely new way. He saw the sun rise and the stars for the first time. Siddhartha came upon a beautiful young woman, who very much helped lead him into the next step of his life.
Siddhartha believed that he loved her and that she loved him. She led him into thinking that he would be happy if he had money, nice clothes, and her. Siddhartha became a successful merchant and loved money. He believed that with money, he could have what he wanted. After all, was it not money that got him Kamala in the first place? The money that had gotten Siddhartha what he wanted began to destroy him.
Siddhartha began to think that this world of the riches he had become accustomed to was nothing but a game, as was the love he felt for Kamala. This belief led him into the next stage of his pilgrimage. Siddhartha believed that there was nothing left for him in life, and he wanted to end it, but from somewhere in his soul he heard the holy word Om and his soul suddenly, once again, was awakened.
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