An Event Which Changed My Life
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An Event which changed my life, well when, I think back on my life there’s
Many changes for the good and some were bad but, there were some learning experiences that help make me a better person. The events in my life, was dealing with the Birth and The Death of my first daughter.
The First, Event was the birth of my first daughter it, was a joyous event in my life. I remembered one night getting on my knees and asking God to send me a child that will love me unconditionally and that I will love it and that know one could ever take the love that we both shared away. I also, remembered telling God that I would love this child forever, you know God granted me my wish it was on a Thursday evening on August 16, 1979 at 4:20 P.M. that my little angel was born she was a sweet little angel. She was very special my family, she was the first granddaughter, great-granddaughter and the first niece and her father’s first of his two children to witness coming to this world. I remember when she was just a week old I laid her down on her stomach in my bed, she tried to crawl. La Shundra, was very happy and loved baby, she was so special she touch the hearts of everyone that came to know her even when, she was at her worst until the day she died. She always had smile on her face and she would always see the good in people, no matter how they treated her she would always consider them as her friend. I tried several times to tell her not everyone was her and that she needed to be careful, I guess as mother I was only trying to protect her feeling, but, I guess that was her calling as an angel.
When my daughter graduated from the eight grade to go into the ninth grade in High School, together we made lots of plans she was anticipating on getting her driver’s license trying out for the dance team and just attending high school itself was the most exciting event in her life, me on the other hand I was nervous about the ideal that my baby was growing up. It was in August 1994 that I took my daughters for their yearly physicals’ before returning back to school.
She just turned 14 years old and she still had not started her cycle, I became curious because, she had past all of the ages of our immediately family when they started theirs. My grandmother stated when she was 13yrs. My mother started when she was 12yrs and I started when I was 11yrs. When I took her in to see her Pediatrician I explain to her my concerns. She exam my daughter, she stated. “That she was ok and that most girls start late and that she had until the age of 17yr. to start her cycle. My Daughter started high school that same month she was so happy to be in high school. It was in November 1994 that I took my daughters in for their yearly eye exam and that when the Doctor discovered that my eldest daughter had some type of growth behind her right eye that made her vision in her right eye very weak. He referred us to a Neurophthalmology to confirm his findings. The Neurophthalmology arranged for my daughter to have a MRI done. It was confirmed that she had a brain tumor it was a Pluritary tumor. The tumor alternated the hormonal changes and the Endocrine system. The doctor called us with the most devastating news about my daughter. I remembered trying to find the right words to tell my daughter the bad news I took her in my arms ready to cry and all my daughter said was all we have to do was to pray those words coming for her comfort me. All I was saying to myself that this was not fair this was her first year in high school. The Primary Care doctor sent us to several specialists: An Endocrinologist, Neurologist, and a Neurolophthalmologist. She was schedule on December 22, 1994 to remove the brain tumor. The neurosurgeon that did the operation explain to the family what the out come of the surgery might be that she could lose her memory but, it was only going to be temporally and that she could lose her eyesight. We were preparing for the memory lost we brought in photo albums and the family was there to see her as soon as the surgery was over. The doctor came out to tell us the surgery was an success that a tissue sample was sent to the pathology lab and the results was that tumor was not cancerous. The Doctor stated that he had to pull out because he was about to lose her because her blood pressure dropped when he attempted to remove the entire tumor. She was than sent to the Recovery Room. She did recognize me she said, high mommy that comfort me. But, some how during the night she lost her eyesight, because the nurse that was taking care of her said she became frighten when he attempted to bath her and that she could not see him. I don’t know if she was scared because she heard a males voice or that she discovered that she could not see are combination of both. It all seems so unfair this was her first year in high school. The following day after surgery the doctor explain that she would need at least 12 weeks of radiation treatment to shrink the rest of the tumor that was left over. The Day that my daughter was discharged from the hospital the doctor wrote orders for us to visit an oncologist at MD Anderson Hospital. The last day of her 12 week treatment she develop and earache which later that evening develop in an ear infection I took her to see her doctor she was out and so she was seen by a doctor that was seeing her doctor’s patients for that day. She prescribes some antibiotics and eardrops. The next, morning I had to rush her to the emergency room because her lips were turning blue and she was breathing with difficulty. The attending emergency room doctor at Hermann Hospital stated that she had went into respiratory failure and septic shock it is a bacteria infection in the blood stream that attack all major organ in the body because it sees them as foreign object in the body, she had to be transferred to intensive care unit. She admitted into the hospital from February until March of 1995. With extensive use and dosages of antibiotic and dialysis they were able to save her because people with septic shock usually die within 24 hours. She was discharged at the end of March with only little problems she had to be treated with little bedsore because it was important to her treatment to remain stable in one position and she had to have physical therapy because of laying bed for long she had to regain her strength and endurance to become strong. She dad returned back to school and she was adjusting ok except she had to relearn again in a different way such as Braille and she had to be taught by and orientation specialist how to get around in school and in the community. In May 1995 it was the beginning of hill battle of going in and out of the hospital. She had complained about chest pains and sharp pain in her back behind her right shoulder blade. When, we arrived at the emergency room at the Texas Children hospital she was diagnosis with having a Myocardial Infarction (Heart Attack). The Septic shock that she had suffered with early that year had damage her heart and it became enlarged and she was diagnosis with Cardiomyapthy which is brought on when a person has had a viral infection of untreated Blood pressure when the heart has to work extra had to get the blood pumping. People with that time of diagnosis are usually given a life expectancy of at least 5 years. I found that out after my daughter passed through research of my own. She had been in and out of the hospital since 1995 to 2000 the year that she past away. It was January 18, 2000 when she past away it was on a Tuesday morning. She was admitted into the hospital because she had a seizure Sunday evening while attending a movie with my sister, she was rush to the hospital to be observed she was put on life support to assist with breathing she was able to communicate through sign language and a writing broad that hospital provided for her. Monday morning she was ok she was watching television with me and she was able to breath with little assistance from the ventilator the doctor had to lower the level of the vent because she was breathing over the machine he later stated that if she continue to breathing good that he might take her off the vent later on during the week. Monday evening she became nauseated. By early Tuesday morning she was transported to another room. I was able to give her a whip off, change her linen, grown, whip her face, combed her hair and kissed her forehead and I told her I loved her and she told me that she loved me to little did I know that’s was the last time that I would be able to tell her those words and that I would hear her voice tell me that she love me too. About 7:41 the alarm on her machine went off she sat up in bed and she said that she could not breath and see closed her eyes and failed back , the nurse came in and said that she was not breathing she alarmed a Code Blue all of the Medical team came rushing in I had been in codes before when I had work in the hospital the staff tried to get me to leave but I did not want to I thought that I could withstand a the staff working on my daughter but, when it your family member, I learned than that I was not strong enough to witness something so tragic. I remembered trying to find my way out of the room I lost my sense of direction and I tried to cry but, nothing came out it felt like I could not get enough air to push out a scream of tears, all I could remember saying that I hated God how could her give her to me and take her away from me. Form that moment on I felt less of mother, I did not want to be a mother any more because I lost a child. I know that people had tried to comfort me by saying she in better place, I just did not want hear that because what better place could she be besides in my arms. I still cry today as if it just happen and I often wonder what would she be doing right now. Losing a child it is event which changed my life. I find myself looking for her face when I’m driving or walking I just cannot believe that she’s gone she is forever in my heart that’s what’s on her tombstone.