Theme Writing in a Five Paragraph Structured Form

Theme Writing in a Five Paragraph Structured Form

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Theme Writing in a Five Paragraph Structured Form


I'll just run off five quick paragraphs with a couple big words and a solid structure and I'll breeze through another paper. Let the nonsense begin.

I never really liked my parents. I found out in high school that if you disagree with anyone, expect detention. Now I found myself in a new setting. I was surrounded by people yearning to write, straining to listen, dying to learn. I was in expository writing 220. I looked around and noticed that everyone seemed to be sitting in the proper first day arrangement, guys on one side, girls on the other. One person refused to be like the others in the group. He crouched down on the table. I would later get to know him as Dave, the writing center guy. As I started to get comfortable a man walked in. He was slender in build and walked with authority but looked more like one of us than one of them. He walked in crumbling tennis shoes and matched awkwardly, like people used to in the seventies. Things would be a little different then I was a custom to, it turned out he was the professor. Weeks passed. He taught us how to catch errors and how not to write. He taught us that theme writing was bad, real bad. He taught us how to use our voice and how it important it was to get the feeling out of a paper. Then he told us to write. I looked around the room. I watched people with confused eyes, flaring nostrils, pulsating ears. "How do we stray away from theme writing when that's all we done our whole lives?" Nobody asked the question, "why have we done that our entire life?" I can tell you why. It's a simple way of writing and except in this classroom, it's excepted college wide as an excellent way to set up a paper. So is our professor a little confused? Theme writing and simple five paragraph papers are exactly were it's at.

What a great opening paragraph. It states what the paper is going to be about with out actually coming out and saying it, and the creativity of my word choice and variation of sentence length should stray m.c. from realizing I have no clue what I'm actually talking about. Just three paragraphs backing up my thesis left and a soft conclusion and I'm done, piece of cake.

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Second paragraph

How dare he makes us think. How dare him to expect us to think a different way when all we've done for the last number of countless years is none other then theme writing. Theme writing has been a tradition for most of us from junior high school on. A five paragraph structure is all we've known and what we do best and for this professor to run and change everything we know and to tell us to do things differently seems a little odd. Is he just a little bit confused? In the day of countless credits and almost everyone stressed financially with one or two part-time jobs it's a bit crazy for him to believe that we could change and think for ourselves.

[ blah, blah, blah, I hope this paragraph is long enough. Maybe I should restate a few things just to make sure. ]

In junior high we wrote nothing but theme writing, the same was true in high school. Now he wants to change all of that and wants us to do something else, we don't have the time.

There, that should be long enough
New paragraph - Here's where I really snow him.

Everything I learned, I learned in freshman English. It's all we need to know. If it wasn't would this university system really make it required to get a degree? I think not. Bemidji State, as do most colleges, makes freshman English a center cornerstone of the system because they believe that it will teach you one basic tool that a person will need for the rest of their college career, the ability to write a five paragraph sound structured piece of theme writing.

What a great sentence. Keep going with the freshmen English nonsense, make m.c. sound really crazy.

The last time I checked Bemidji State University did not make it required to take an expository writing class. Do you know why? Because the system knows that in the real world the only things we'll need to be a sound writer, we were taught in freshmen English. End of story.

Shit! I can't make that end of story because my paragraph isn't long enough yet. Maybe just one or two more sentences.

We, as a class, must separate what m.c. finds as relevant to the class and what we find relevant to the real world. We must plan a revolt.

Only one more paragraph to go, then I can write my conclusion. Maybe a paragraph on how really terrible papers have gotten most of us good grades in the past.

Why should we stop and think for ourselves now when rattling off complete bullshit has worked so well in the past. Most of us, as we discussed at the beginning of the class, have gotten excellent grades as a result of handing in five paragraph crap. I am a very experienced writer with the five paragraph theme and I've never received a grade, in an English class, lower then a "b."

Teachers love that personal story crap. I bet he puts "good personal example" next to that last sentence. It works every time.

I find it extremely troublesome that we should change something that has worked so well in the past and turn completely around, face the other way, and start to write in a new way. Do we really need that kind of pressure? We must all take a minute to sit down with our feelings and really get in touch with what we want out of this class. Personally I'd hate to think that after this quarter I'd start to write papers in a different fashion and start to stray away from the five paragraph theme writing that's worked so well in the past. It could ruin my g.p.a. forever, and who would we have to blame for that but ourselves. In a time of political correctness I know it's difficult to question authority and really start to ask questions. As I recall, I don't believe m.c. ever really explained why we must have this new way of writing jarred into our brains. Has anyone stopped to think that he might be crazy? He is not our teacher, he is our professor. The word teacher implies that the person will be teaching us something. The word professor implies that the person will be professing to know something that he or she finds relevant to teach, it is our decision on whether or not to believe what they our professing to know. I think it's time to start making decisions people.

I hope he buys that. Now all I need is a conclusion that gives a summary of everything I've already said and make sure that I stretch it to the four page minimum that he required us to reach.


Summary

Theme writing in a five paragraph structured form is a simple, yet efficient, way of writing and except in this classroom, it's excepted college wide as an excellent way to set up a paper. Our class has never had to write a different way and it's worked in the past so why take the time to think for ourselves and start something complexly different. It's time to question authority.

Teachers love that when the last words of my paper and the title match. I'll put my money on him writing the classic "good use of word choice to tie the piece together" line. Wow! I can't believe I'm already done. It only took thirty seven minutes to do the entire work. Its taken most people days. I hope he doesn't notice the spelling and punctuation errors, teachers usually don't. I bet he doesn't even read this. It's not like he'd miss anything. I didn't say anything new or refreshing but who ever does.
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