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All right brain - start working. Something creative, something with style. Nothing? Don't give me that. I know you were paying attention in class, and you know what needs to be done. Still playing at being empty? Well it isn't going to work. You won't get away with this. I need this paper done and you are going to get it done for me. Holding on to the - no ideas- bit are you? Fine, It's not like I haven't managed without you before.
I have written many papers without you. Do you remember? Of course not - you weren't there. You may remember reading them though. You know the ones I am talking about. Those papers with the carefully constructed introductory paragraphs. The paragraphs that would lead an unsuspecting professor into believing that I might have something intelligent to say. Worded in a way that said, important information enclosed - read on. Yes, I had many of them fooled.
Still not convinced that I can write one more paper without you? Ha! I say I can and I will. It is just a matter of getting the right thesis statement in order to lead my next unsuspecting victim into a world of ignorance turned intelligence. Oh yes, my rebellious friend, I need only ask myself one question. To research or not to research? Oh the joy of brainless babble is endless. Why, I have known it to go on for years with some people. An example? That's easy,
Warning! Cheap shot and over used slam ahead.>
politicians of course.
I tried to warn you.>
Listen, yeah you, the fool reading this. Take my advice and walk away now. She may actually go ahead with her threat and write this paper without my help. It won't be pretty.>
After the babble comes the easiest part of all - the conclusion. The repeat or summary of everything that had already been said. What could be more simple than that? Still no response from you? Sometimes I wonder who it was, that knocked a hole in my head and let you out. Oh yeah, it was me, that day I fell off my bike and my head on that rock. Once you tasted freedom though you just couldn't leave well enough alone. I suppose if that doctor hadn't stitched me up when he had you would be long gone by now.
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You better believe I would be gone. There has to be something better than this.>
This explains a lot. All those years of being clumsy. It was you trying to break free.
And I would have if not for her thick scull.>
Well, it didn't work. To think, all those years that went by with my parents asking me why I didn't use my brain. Now I have the answer - because my brain was using me. I can't wait to tell them. On second thought, maybe I'll lust leave well enough alone.
Oh great, it's getting late and I still don't have any ideas on what to write my paper about. Why can't you be cooperative this one time? What did I ever do to you? You came into this world with me and I can take you out with me.
I knew if I held out long enough she would start sounding like her mother. I guess you are still with us. What a pitty. Well, you've come this far, you may as well read on then.>
I should go to the computer lab today and try to get some time in. It would be nice to catch up on my mail. Unfortunately it would take your assistance to do this. That computer sh..stuff has me lost. It also takes so much time to go there and time is something I have so little of. By the way - where have you been when I have needed you at work? I thought we had an understanding. You be there at least the minimal amount of brain power needed to function at work and I watch at least two hours of television a week, so you can completely shut down for awhile.
Anyway, I still need to come up with an idea for my paper and I know I can do it without you. I just wish I had not been absent that day the class learned about getting access to the World Wide Web, or whatever it's called. I'll bet I could find some ideas using that. If nothing else, maybe I could find out about getting a brain transplant. I doubt I could do much worse with a different brain. Maybe I could get a computer for a brain and know everything. No that wouldn't work - I'd never be able to figure out how to use the thing. I really do hate computers. Except for spell check, without which I'd be looking up every other word I need In the dictionary.
You think this is bad? I have to put up with her every day. Do you blame me for wanting to ignore her? Yet , alas i can not. I can continue to pretend though. So, you have chosen to continue. Well, good luck to you. With any luck she may be finished soon.>
Hey, now there is an idea for a paper topic - the hazards of computer use. It would be simple enough, with little to no research involved. That's it, i am going with that idea. Now let's see, I have my topic and now I need my thesis statement to build my paper around. Care to be involved in this? No answer? Doesn't surprise me. Stubborn to the end.
The hazards of computer use indeed. I really should offer my assistance, but this may be fun. I can always use a little humor in my day.>
All right then, a thesis statement. What will be my main argument? That it is a pain to have to type so much. No that will have to be a small argument. Some programs only require the use of the mouse. Of course that mouse thing can be a pain as well. Moving it to just the right spot, that is if the thing will move. I don't know how many times I have gotten a mouse that, for some reason, will not move the d....darn arrow where I want it. Still this is a small argument.
I think my main idea will have to be the programs. Trying to get programs to work has been a pain in my bum. Yes, that will be my main point. I don't know how many times I have wanted to throw a computer out a window or across the room because I couldn't get a program to work. Are you sure you don't want in on this brain? This could be a reflection of your capabilities.
I don't think so, considering I am not partaking in this little endeavor I can not be held responsible. She is truly getting desperate now. That little ploy did almost work though. Going after the ego - good move,>
Well, now that I have an idea and the makings of a paper, I am going to wait to write it. It is getting late and I do have to work tomorrow. Think you'll be a little more cooperative later? Still no answer? Just don't forget to be willing to help at work. We do have a deal.
Oh, I won't forget. I really should give her some assistance with her paper but I just can't resist watching her sweat. Yes, it is cruel, yet it is so much fun.>