Humorous Wedding Speech – Best Man

Humorous Wedding Speech – Best Man

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Humorous Wedding Speech – Best Man


Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen - I would like to start by thanking Steve for saying such nice things about me during his speech, though I must admit, I did deserve them. I mean, where would a bridegroom be without his best man? The friend at hand when he couldn’t find the rings. The reassuring voice in his ear when it looked like it might rain. And the chaperone who persuaded him to leave the strip club last night. Actually, I believe it was this morning!

I think we all agree that Linda looks fantastic today, a number one hit if ever there was one. And Steve’s looking a bit like a chart-topper himself in that suit – although I’m not sure from which year. As for the bridesmaids, they look wonderful, and have performed their duties splendidly. It can't have been easy dragging Linda to the church – it certainly wasn't easy dragging Steve.

We have now reached that pivotal moment in the speech where I am meant – in good taste – to put the groom down. However, when the subject of my speech cropped up during the meal, and my obligation to discuss Steve, Linda made me promise that I restrict myself to speaking only of the good things about her husband. Because a one-minute speech would seem ridiculous, I’ve decided to change course completely. And tell you about how we came to be sitting here today.

Steve and Linda met five years ago in a very, very romantic location - the Hippodrome nightclub in Exeter. This place was renowned for being the hangout of drunken wide boys and white stiletto girls, so it was pure coincidence that they met on that fateful night.

Steve had nearly given up hope of ever pulling a girl when he caught a glimpse of Linda across a crowded dance floor. I can see now, lying there. She smiled and shouted hello but the music swallowed her voice before it could reach him. He untucked his jeans from his florescent socks and casually strolled over to her as she slid through the crowd to meet him. With their arms wrapped tightly around each other, the two danced into the night, igniting a passion that threatened to engulf them both.

When the music stopped, the legendary silver tongue – legendary in the sense that it only exists in Steve’s imagination – took over: ‘Are you lost, love?

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’ When the unimpressed Linda said she certainly was not, our smooth-talking love hero replied, ‘It’s just that I didn't know that angels could fly so low!’

Unbelievably, Linda agreed to go out with him. I don’t know where Steve took her on their first date. He hinted it was an expensive restaurant but he wants to keep it a secret so the place remains special only to them. All I know is that he wooed Linda that night with the immortal line, ‘If you were on the menu here, you’d be a McGorgeous!’

Their romance seemed to blossom at an alarming rate and it was clear to everyone that they were extremely well suited. Linda brought to the relationship beauty, integrity, honesty, reliability and intelligence - while Steve brought, er … [pretend to check notes], ah, Steve brought his used beer matt collection and a wrinkly old copy of Readers Wives.

True love finally caught up with Steve – when Linda bought him a Sony Playstation for Christmas – and he decided it was time to pop the question. Following the tradition, before they announced their engagement, Steve went to ask Linda's father for her hand in marriage. He said that it was fine by him, providing Steve took the hand that for the last 20 years had spent most of it's time in his wallet!

Steve and Linda share the same core values, and I am sure that as husband and wife their relationship will continue to flourish. When apart, their loving co-dependence means that they pine for each other and long to be reunited, particularly when Steve needs a shirt ironed or Linda wants to set the video.

Finally, I’d like to give the newlyweds the traditional best man’s wish for good luck, good health and happiness! I’m sure you’ll all agree that Linda and Steve are a marvellous couple and they thoroughly deserve all the happiness they’re going to share together.

Ladies and gentlemen, the toast is to the bride and groom!
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