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Firstly, on behalf of the bride and groom, let me thank you all for attending this wedding celebration which I'm sure you will agree has been organised magnificently well - and I bet the wedding album has better coverage than the (insert latest tablod scandal here)!
Yesterday evening I was advised of my official wedding day duties and responsibilities. I was advised that, when greeting guests, to pay special attention to unaccompanied women. I'm way ahead on that one, Joseph's already given me a list of names with photos.
On the subject of guests, in the run-up to today, Joseph and Barbara had a bit of an issue with the seating plan, because they really couldn't decide who to put where. So I offered to step in and help work something out. What we finally decided was to use the wedding gift list, and put those who bought the biggest items nearest the front, and work it back from there. So if they can hear me at the back there, thank you to Tony and Sue for the oven glove.
And if you look around this room you'll see there are guests here from all around the world. Joseph has made a lot of international friends, and presumably they are all now part of his pyramid scheme.
Nobody travels as widely as this man, Paris, New York, Moscow. In fact, last Friday when I went to meet him at the airport, three planes landed and Joseph got off all of them. In the twelve years we've been friends he has lived in so many places, and moved more times than everyone I know - put together. I now always give his cell phone a ring before I drop by to visit, to check that he hasn't moved again. In fact, it started to get so complicated, at one point I considered studying for a University Geography degree to keep up with him. But they say that every busy man should have a wife. Then he won't have to waste time in making up his own mind.
Now, at some point I'm supposed to say what an honour it is being Joseph's best man. And when I say best man, I really mean best man. Just have a look at table four over there and you'll see there really was very little competition - that just looks like the bar scene from Star Wars.
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"Humorous Wedding Speech for a Groom Who has Moved Frequently." 123HelpMe.com. 13 Dec 2019
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Joseph has received a lot of praise today from various people here, saying that he'll make a good a husband to Barbara, that sort of stuff. Well Joseph, to truly be a good husband you have to acknowledge your mistakes. After two years of marriage I can honestly say I've made only one mistake. And that was putting my wife on a pedestal. Now she can't reach the floor and clean it.
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Ladies and gentlemen, to the bride and groom.