Account of My Village in the Style of Bill Bryson

Account of My Village in the Style of Bill Bryson

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Account of My Village in the Style of Bill Bryson

Me, I am from nirvana. Another term would be to describe it would be a
thriving cesspit. Many consider this place to be the economic and
political nerve centre of Europe. Do you ever wonder where all the
stars who don’t live in Hollywood live? Well lay your minds at rest
they live in Yarnton. Yarnton isn’t famous for its high employment
rates. It’s famous as the entertainment centre of Europe.

Yarnton is probably the smallest village in the world; it’s a place
where leprosy has over-run the millions who live there. The
exclusivity of Yarnton render it a hot spot for tourism as the area is
known to have the rarest club in the universe the one and only sacred
“Royal British Legion”. Understandably the RBL is a place where all
dreams and fairytales come true. Here kids are free to lavish and
enjoy themselves and take part in the several hundred fantastic
activities. The noise level in Yarnton can’t be picked up by even the
most sensitive of noise detectors, until you get a colossal Boeing 747
soar about ten metres above your house. The pilots not concentrate on
flying the planes but instead ogle at the unbelievably obese women
(the willabies), thereby just scraping your chimney pot. (And there I
was thinking pilots had to go on aviation courses!!). Another factor
obscuring the country sounds of Yarnton’s beautiful wildlife and
gradually decreasing scarce birds is the droaning, bubbling A44 which
can be heard in this unique setting. But apart from that I just can’t
add anything. I don’t think I could live anywhere else on earth.
Personally I think Yarnton should be renamed “ Bliss”!

Yarnton is home to many famous people, such as The Queen. She has a
house next door to mine. People say it looks asif it has been
transported from one of Brazil’s shanty towns. I only see her a few
times a week but it’s nice when she pokes her head round the corner
once in a while for a little chat and to catch up with the gossip.

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Yarnton’s also home to another highly respected villager Norman, the
thirty stone “village idiot”. Often Norman comes tearing round the
corner in his two litre injection Maestro. I often talk to him about
his cars and each time he replies “Well you know me; I’ve never driven
one of those small cars. For starters I am a speed man and secondly
how the hell am I going to fit into a small car”

. We often have such interesting discussions. Each time I get the same
old crap, something on the lines of “Well I can’t drive a small car”

Finally on to the spectacular views of Yarnton: Regal gardens adorned
with the aesthetic and careful positioning of dog shit, rubbish,
rusting bicycles and discarded household waste..

Not to be missed from this pictorial prominent little village would be
the splendid view of waste-recycling tip, the sewage works and the
railway track. The old railway turntable home to one of the most
impressive and aggressive rat population in England.

So the hub of the universe has to be Yarnton but I’ve yet to mention
the most important attribute of all – I LIVE THERE!
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