The People's Guide to Knowing your Townies

The People's Guide to Knowing your Townies

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The People's Guide to Knowing your Townies

Loud, Aggressive, Hostile. This crowd of people will not be seen
without another beside them. They enjoy walking around in a large
group, known to them as a 'crew' or a 'gang' or a 'posse' there are
many other names not listed, the reason for this is because townies
have a short attention span causing them to create their own
imaginative names up when the original gets boring. All types of
townie are obnoxious creatures; if you are ever unlucky enough to
witness a group of them maintain a running distance. Since most
townies are cowards do not fear when walking past one when they are on
their own since they only act cocky when they outnumber you. There are
many different classes of townies to be aware of, these are…

Townie tramps

This race of townie prefers to wear old out of date clothes, colours
faded away or aluminous. The most well known clothing of a townie
tramp consists of; a pair of Addidas joggers, faded aluminous green
which they see as the best colour, a faded grey Nike t-shirt with a
large Nike tick which fills most of the front of the t-shirt. A
matching tracksuit jacket would do nicely, again faded aluminous
green. The footwear is usually some old football boots Astroturf soles
of course. That is your average clothing of a townie tramp. These
people don't usually hang around in large gangs, although they do hang
around in gangs but most often in their own street. Playing football
in the middle of the road is their favourite pass time. These people
usually are aggressive obnoxious and tough. They do not fear when an
opposing gang outnumbers them since they don't usually lose. This type
of townie is not a fight starter although if in a big enough gang
would most likely attempt a riot. My advice would be to not be afraid
but perhaps cross the street if on your own, not taking any chances.

Designer townies

The most well known and most well hated townie is by far the designer

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townies. The reason for this is because they believe that they are
better than anybody else, and start fights for no reason other than
making themselves look 'hard'. Their everyday ensemble is a dark blue
pair of Addidas joggers with white stripes leading down them. The
latest Nike t-shirt is usually worn underneath a humungous thickly
padded Nike coat (with hood). With this coat on they believe to
themselves that they are as big as the coat, but when removed are as
skinny as the average string bean. Like the dying-out tigers, they
'hunt' in packs, looking for a defenceless victim is the highlight of
their day, and beating them to the floor is a bonus. This race of
townies is extremely cocky, the cockier they are the less tough they
are (all talk, no action). If you are ever on your own when facing a
gang of these hooligans be sure not to get stopped, run if you can. If
you do get stopped you will most probably get a beating.

Rockport Rangers

Rockport rangers aren't people that just wear Rockports, you are given
the true Rockport ranger rank when tucking your football socks into a
pair of joggers while wearing these expensive shoes. Not only do these
people look stupid, but also by wearing clothing in this way they are
only showing the world how little dress sense they actually have. Most
of the time Rockport Rangers will be wearing a cap made from a
material which can get dirty very easily, one drop of dirty water will
ruin it, meaning a new purchase will be required of the exact same
style hat with a slight colour difference. These type of townies are
just jokers, they make me laugh, dressing like clowns.

Football Townies

Football townies are the worst for having a conversation with. For
example if you were to ask a simple question such as: "Do you know
where the toilets are?" they would reply: "Nah, sos mate… do you fancy
a kick about?" or "Nah, but did ya watch tha footy on the box last
night…" just by making eye contact could cause a chain reaction of
football trivia. So if you're a fat batch don't even go near these
football freaks. There shouldn't be any worries of running into these
people in the street, unless you don't really like football all that
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