Putting The Pieces Of My Life Back Together

Putting The Pieces Of My Life Back Together

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In my search to find the meaning of life, all I have ever found is an incomplete conclusion. I have found that all of nothing means something and that everything happens for a very distinct reason. You may be too blind or too stubborn to realize it at first, but the reasoning can always be found just under the surface. When I fell in love with Sean, he was the only thing that mattered to me. Loving him was the only thing in my life that ever made any sense; I had developed a beautiful subconscious dependence to him. Not realizing it at the time, falling in love with him would change my life forever in more ways than I could have ever foreseen.

I was 16 and my life consisted of good friends, good drugs, and good times. Every night was just another excuse for another party, just another chance for me to take a few ecstasy pills and let go of all my inhibitions. That is how I met Sean; we were both caught up in a world of drugs and parties. Not a very promising way to start out a relationship some might say. But, to me, it did not matter what other people thought. I was having fun and falling in love at the same time, nothing could come between us. For two years we were inseparable, I thought that I had found "the one" and I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. My parents may not have liked how fast things were going between Sean and I, but they certainly were not going to tell me that I could not be with him anymore. At least, that is, until he got the both of us thrown in jail.

He had taken me down to Detroit to get a gram, or so I thought. It turned out that he really bought thirty-two grams of marijuana and four crack rocks, and the whole time we were at the house there was a police officer waiting at the corner to pull us over. We were none the wiser though, we hopped back on I-96 and as soon as we came to I-96 and Outer Drive the officer turned on his lights and signaled us to pull over to the side of the expressway.

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As the officer walked towards my Explorer, I could feel my heart racing like a herd of horses. He asked Sean for his license and registration because he was driving my car, then he asked if we had any illegal substances or paraphernalia in the vehicle. We calmly said no, but the officer knew better, so he asked Sean to step out of the car and he searched him and my vehicle. He found a big sandwich baggy and four little baggies full of marijuana, he also found four crack rocks, which Sean had stashed in the cuff of his sock. The officer cuffed Sean and put him in the back of the squad car, and then he came to me and asked if there were any more drugs on my person or in the vehicle that he should know about, I said no. I do not know if it was because he did not believe me or if he was just doing his job, but he asked me to get out of the Explorer and he put cuffs on me and proceeded to sit me in the back of a separate squad car from the one Sean was in. I think they wanted Sean and I in different cars so that we could not make up any excuses for what we were doing in Detroit.

When we arrived in the parking garage of the 6th Precinct, the officers got Sean and I out of the cruisers. Sean tried telling me that he was sorry and that he loved me, but the officer started yelling at him, "Shut the hell up! What the hell are you doing bringing her down to the middle of Detroit?!" he yelled, "She's only seventeen years old, she has no business being down here!" But Sean continued to try to tell me just how sorry he was, this infuriated the police officer even more and he started choking Sean telling him that he was a "punk ass white kid" that had no business bringing his seventeen year old girlfriend to Detroit when just two nights prior, two young men were shot in the area we were in. I could not believe what I was seeing, Sean's face was turning colors and I just wanted the night to be over. The officers finally walked us inside the station and had us put in separate holding cells. After about three or four hours, an officer came and told me I was free to go. My parents had come to pick me up and things were never going to be the same for Sean and I again.

Three days had passed and I still had not seen or heard from Sean, I was going out of my mind with worry. Was he ever coming home? Is he in a lot of trouble? I just needed to know what was going on and when I would call the precinct to find out if he was still there or if he had been moved the officers were no help at all. My parents had kicked me out of the house to live with my aunt; I did not know what was going on with Sean and I just wanted things to go back to normal. Finally, on the fourth day, Sean came home and I went to see him. He had bruises on his chest and neck; he said that the cop took him to interrogation after I left and started hitting him and choking him again.

I asked Sean to take me to my house so I could get more clothes, when we arrived my dad would not let me in the house. He said that as long as I was with Sean, I would not be aloud at home. I was so torn; I could not believe that my own father was making me choose between my family and the man that I planned to marry. I was so hurt by my dad so I asked Sean to take me to his house and I decided to stay with him for a few days. Days turned into nights, nights turned into weeks, and before I knew it I had been away from home for three months. I missed my mom terribly, but I knew that as long as I continued to do drugs and be with Sean I would never be accepted by my parents.

I had to make a choice; my family or Sean, the man I loved more than life itself. Then one night Sean made my choice so blatantly obvious. We were drinking and I had passed out from drinking too much, when I woke up I found myself naked. Sean had raped me, the girl he was supposed to love, the girl that would do anything for him. I had to get away from him, but when I tried to leave he wouldn't let me. Every time I would try to get up he would throw me down. Every time I would try to grab the phone to call my sister, he would slap it out of my hand. After about an hour of fighting with him I finally got the phone and called my sister to tell her to come get me. When Amanda got there, I was walking down the street crying and Sean was chasing after me. When he finally caught up to me, he turned me around and punched me in the face. Amanda quickly jumped out of her car and grabbed me away from him. We drove off and I swore that I would never in my life go back to him after what he had put me through.

I realized that because of falling in love with him, I had been setting myself up for the greatest fall. I had never lived so low, never loved so hard, never gave up so much; I ignored everyone that I loved and every thing that I knew to be good and right for the sake of living in the moment with Sean. But I also realized that had it not been for him, I would have never fallen so hard that I had no choice but to pick myself up and put back the pieces of my life.
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