I Didn't Realize Until Now

I Didn't Realize Until Now

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Dear Susan,

I didn't realize until now just how badly I mishandled our relationship. By being apart and not talking for some time now, I have quickly learned that you were everything I ever wanted and because I was so afraid of losing you, I ended up chasing you away. It wasn't until recently that realized that instead of complaining about the time I didn't have with you, I should have cherished the time I did have. The time we had together was real and filled with affection.

I was never alone when we were apart, because just as you were on my mind, I was on yours. It wasn't until now that I have realized how special it was to hear your voice even if it was just once a day, let alone several times a day.

It wasn't until now that I have realized that it wasn't the late phone call for me to come over because you missed me, or to stay overnight that I miss so much. What I miss is the feeling behind the way you would stare at me and or kiss my hand while we were in the car. The way we looked into each other's eyes and spoke without saying a word. The way you trusted me with your children and I trusted you with mine. The way you wrote I love you on a steamy window or mirror only to show up time after time for me to see when we were apart. The way you signed to me that you loved me or snuck a kiss or hug in while the kids weren't watching. The way we joked that we were attached at the hip while fixing dinner or breakfast. The way we wrestled and tickled each other. Susie, I could go on and on but you know exactly what I'm saying. Yes, it's the little things I miss the most. The little things that I took for granted.

The promise I made to you is a promise that I will keep forever. You will always hold a special place in my heart. Even though I'm dating here and there, I end up comparing them to you. You've set the bar very high for me and that's a good thing because I refuse to settle for less than the standard you've set. On that Wednesday (July 11th) when I returned home and found your e-mail, it was the happiest I'd been in weeks.

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I applaude you for making that move because at the very least, I regained a friend, and that means the world to me.

So, here's the reason I had to tell you this; if that man in your dreams vaguely has a name and a face, resembling mine, tell him to chill for a bit, so he doesn't make another life altering mistake by moving on, possibly settling for less. You can be assured that this time, he will take the proper time for you to be ready to accept it, however long ot may take.

Before I end this I want to sincerely say one last thing straight from my heart. I'm very sorry I tried to force you to play by my rules, and I realize now that what I miss the most is you.

Forever my love,
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