This essay isn't about the "perfect" family. This essay is about a successful family, e.g. one that meets most of the needs and goals of its members. A family where everyone is physically safe and emotionally content. To achieve this, let's examine three key factors of a successful family.
The best interests of the children. No one thinks about divorce on their wedding day, except pre-nuptial lawyers. You and your mate promise to communicate well and work through problems based upon your love and commitment for each other. Then children come along, and it seems as if your family life is "set." Ten years later, you and your partner accept you no longer want to stay together for numerous reasons. What about the children? Should you stay together for the sake of the children, to give them a "two-parent" home? Or should you separate and be the best parents you can be? There are two schools of thought about this subject: that you should stick it out together until the children are grown and off on their own, or that an unhappy couple makes everyone around them unhappy – especially the children. The only correct answer is your answer. Regardless of what you brother thinks, what your best friend thinks, or what Oprah thinks, never substitute anyone's judgment for your own. Every family's needs are different; what works for one family may not work for your family. After their grown, many people who grew up in unhappy homes say that it's better to come from a broken home than to live in one. However, others say that having two parents was essential for their growth, even though Mom and Dad weren't happy with each other. Sometimes "together" is in the eye of the beholder. It may not mean that you and your spouse or partner live under the...
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...practical or helpful. Give yourself some credit! Try these tips in your family that don’t take a lot of time and effort, and are easy ways to help your family solve problems and get along well: (1) Talk to each other! “How was your day?” “How are you doing?” Ask about each other rather than always talking about yourself. If you get one-word replies like “fine,” delve a little deeper, but don’t push too hard. Just let each other know that you’re interested and willing to talk. (2) Talk some more! Some discussions are private, or course. We do much better if we talk about what’s bothering us right then and there instead of “holding back” and becoming resentful and bitter. (3) Make time for each other. Know when to give your full attention to a family member. (4) Pick and plan your arguments. If it’s not important in the long run, let it go. You’ll all be happier.
My Idea of family honestly didn't begin until I agreed to marriage and children. Until that moment, in my laxity, I hadn't even considered the many aspects and values a family should consist of. My experience needless to say, laid in shattered pieces long before I took over the reins of raising myself and built a blockade fortress of stoicism. In all seriousness, I often considered never having a relationship, thinking I was incapable of possessing the experience it would take to pursue such an endeavor. Needless to say, I didn't say 'yes' the first time. In spite of this, I did marry; yet my idea of family was built without preconceived ideologies. I've done what I felt was nurturing and beneficial for my children both environmentally and educationally. All in all, my family is successful though we are a work in progress. I'm often overly diligent in their wellbeing out of my heightened need for them what I never had; the experience of a wonderful family that sets the basis for a successful life when life beyond the days of a dreamy child are a hardship all their own. Family relationships, be it any form, is as always a work in progress, yet, with the fiction work of Cathedral by Raymond Carver and with Langston Hughes' poem Mother To Son, we see those with steadfast nerves and unwavering determination can succeed in this precious and challenging undertaking.
In conclusion, we all have our views and versions of the typical, or perfect, family, yet how come we buy in to the media's portrayal of the violent and abusive family dynamic? Is it a plague running rampant? Is it an issue amongst us all? Yes. Is it the norm? No. Nor is it the widest range of the family. Families who educate themselves, as well as support one another through emotional bonds, and the such, come closer to, and are the most widely recognized form of a sculpted and politically accurate family, as close to "typical or "normal" as it could ever get. We need families to help us when we fail, hold us when we're scared, teach us when we are unsure, and show us that a "normal family" is not specific, but is positive. In this sense we need stronger families; would you want to be the weakest link in your families' ongoing history? Think about it.
According to Garris L. Christian (2006) he describes the six characters of families, which are based on their own unique beliefs, cultural context, and family tradition. Three of the six characteristics that strongly resonate to me are role, rule, and hierarchy. Role family can be described as never good enough, peacemaker, everyone feels responsible within the family, a lot of activities, over worked, helpful at home, and/or outside. Each role has certain behavioral expectations. Those characteristics of the families’ role are very positive behavior, but there can also be negative consequences. The rule families follow the tradition of the oldest person in the family setting the standards and loyalty to the parents, brothers or sisters. The term of hierarchy family structure in male and older family members occupy a higher status. This would include the children obeying their parents strict family rules and carrying out a higher status attitude.
Times have changed since our parents were children and families today face different challenges than those of a decade or two ago. Over the past few decades the concept of family has been revolutionized. A "traditional" family no longer consists of two parents of the opposite sex in which the father is the "breadwinner," and the mother stays at home to raise the children. Today's family is as diverse as the world it must exist in. The important thing about today's family is that success does not just happen; a strong family takes effort.
Having a family is no easy task, especially when you are faced with many challenges that are unforeseen. Sometimes one imagines or hopes for an ideal family. The ideal family would consist of a spouse, one or two kids and live happily with little to no conflicts. The reality is that even if one tries to avoid conflict by all possible means, conflict is inevitable. Stressors and strengths within a family can be seen in almost every situation. Although stressors tend to be more noticeable than the strengths. Some of which will be discussed later on, although it will be mainly focused on the strength and stressors faced after a divorce for children. But if one focuses on the stressors more than the strengths, one will only see stressors rather than solutions.
In 1980, Arlene Skolnick’s “The Paradox of Perfection” was published in Wilson Quarterly around the time when the “ideal family” was highly regarded. The article expresses the idea that the perfect family dose not exist. This essay is a prime example of how society views on what a family should be, subconsciously affects the behavior and attitude of the average family. As a psychologist from University of California, Skolnick presents her views through a series of historical contexts and statistics.
The valued family structure has been the foundation for generations in history; however, the traditional American family is changing. The revolution has been influenced by the “choices people make and the constraints that limit those choices” (Benokraitis 21). The family structure is forever changing as a result of many dynamics including micro-level and macro-level influences. Fluctuations in the family unit are affected by these factors. These factors should be kept in perspective, stressing the individual choice while not neglecting the macro-level influences. Micro-level influences are personal situations such as a couple not saving money for an unplanned pregnancy. Macro-level influences are comprised of things such as economic forces,
The decision to stay put or divorce when children are involved is one of the difficult decisions that couples have to make it. However, there may be an appropriate and acceptable solution. Before any couple decides to settle for any solution, they have to understand that each scenario has its pros and cons and also that each decision is a lifelong decision. Research has shown that most couples rush to the decision of divorce due to impulsivity or emotional reactions. Also more often, most couples make decisions based on the guidance and input suggestions of their friends and family. However, what most couples fail to understand is that marriage or divorce is a personal decision
Sociologically, a family is defined as a kinship system of all relatives living together or recognized as a social unit, including adopted people. The family is regarded as the basic social institution because of its important functions of procreation and socialization, and because it is found in all societies. Within the last sixty years, many changes to the family have occurred and much research was, and is, being conducted on the family. A big question being asked is, what makes a family strong and healthy? Nick Stinnett and John Defrain underwent thirty years of research to define what they believe are six characteristics of strong healthy families with the addition of two more characteristics made by other researchers.
In life, the moment we grow up is the day we start to visualize the future. Questions like, “How will I maintain this job?” “How will I begin a family?” “When will people start to recognize me for my talents?” “Will I ever fulfill my dream?” start to arise. Also, many other questions are being asked all the time, but since we are all different, everyone’s life questions are not the same. Matter fact, the easiest answer to our life questions are the lessons we learned at home and the lessons we were taught as kids. Therefore as kids, we learn all of these unique different lessons from our parents or family in general. Dedicated and responsible parents or members of the family know that children are the future. A family’s job and presence is to provide children with a feeling of belonging and creativity of their identity. Families should be a source of emotional support, comfort, protection, and etc. The relationships we create and mend creates our future self mentally and emotionally. Love is a strong word that cause us to either become strong or weak as an individual. Love comes and goes, but we start to realize that only unconditional love we really need is the love from our family. A family’s love is what causes us to grow into the person we should become. The theme of family is presented in a way to build the character’s charisma and how much support becomes a lifeline.
As Proverbs 6:20 says “My son, keep your father's commandment, and forsake not your mother's teaching.” The book The Successful Family” written by Ellen G. White, it highlights certain principles, morals and values which are vital for the successful development of the family unit. The book is made up of sections designated to each member of the family, in which each person has different responsibilities which must be carried out in order for the unit to work, these sections also help us to understand each member of the family as unique individuals, who have various needs and feelings
According to Mental Health Professional Michelle Blessing, “there is no right or wrong answers when it comes to what is the best type of family structure. As long as a family is filled with love and support for one another, it tends to be successful and thrive. Families need to do what is best for each other and themselves, and that can be achieved in almost any unit” (Blessing). Families offer companionship, security, and a measure of protection against an often uncaring world, but family structure has undergone significant changes since World War II. Variations in family structure are now plentiful -- and yet often still quite successful. Whatever the family situation, whatever the familial structure, it will have tremendous and unique influence upon the child’s happiness, development, and future.
Divorce has a negative effect on the psychological and social aspects of our children, which may appear instantly or not come to the surface for years. This is why I think that divorce should only be a last resort and not rushed into even by couples with the most troubled marriages. The only acceptable reason for someone rushing into divorce is if they or their children are in danger. I believe that marriage is a commitment not to be taken lightly and disregarded at the first bump in the road especially when there are children involved. Far too many people do not want to take responsibility for their actions and choices; for example, people use abortion as birth control and couples’ jumping in and out of marriages like it’s a trial and error institution. Marriage is no longer taken seriously; commitment and monogamy are no longer an essential ingredient. For most couples today, it’s not even considered as a part of marriage. The negative effects that divorce has on children should be the number one consideration when a couple hits that hard time in their relationship.
One of the more common meanings of success, aside from the superficial materialistic meaning, is being successful in regards to family and other intimate relationships. Many have made the statement that the greatest feeling in somebody’s life is the birth of their children. This feeling that people receive gives a long-lasting feeling of self-satisfaction which provides residual dividends throughout their life. These experiences are all similar by the fact that they possess a deep emotional investment of the individual, unlike shallow experiences like succeeding in a business deal or making a large turn on an investment. It should be mentioned...
Families provide people with an atmosphere in which to live, grow, and develop. A family culture is established by the parents and instilled in the children during their upbringing. A healthy family is a family which follows a set of strong morals, stays loyal to one another, cooperates, and works together to avoid conflict. An environment where there is openness amongst family members is ideal because minds that are open are more susceptible to avoiding conflict than minds that are closed. If conflict gets the best of a family, it has the potential to increase hostility and create remoteness between family members, however, if a family resolves conflict, it can strengthen and enforce the family relationships.