Summary Of ' I Don 't Like It Essay

Summary Of ' I Don 't Like It Essay

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I draw my feet up into the leather recliner. Hug my knees to my chest. The chair is sage green. The wall’s a boring beige color. The room is freezing. I don’t know why they keep it so cold. Maybe so we won’t stay any longer than we have to. If I could I’d stay forever, because here is better than home with Frank.

Dr. Beaker slides his pen in the pocket of his shirt and shuts my swollen file, laying it on the floor by his chair. He leans forward, elbows on his knees, his hands cupped. Never has he looked at me so solidly in the eyes. There is pity there. I don’t like it.

“Are we done?” I ask.

“Not quite. This is good. This is the first time we’ve gotten this far.” He wrings his hands, holding my gaze. “Millie, how did it end? What do you see?”

I choke on the words. “Everyone dies.” I touch my chest. “I felt the flames. There were no screams, only silence. No one could have survived that fire.”

“You did.”

“Only because I wasn’t in the house with Evie, where I should’ve been.”

He passes me a box of tissues and scoots his chair closer, leaning in my direction. “You have remorse because you survived, Millie, but you shouldn’t.”

“There’s no reason for me to survive,” I say. “I have no purpose.”

“You have every reason to have made it through this tragedy.” He sits back. “Do you know what I believe the true definition of Grace is?”

I shake my head while wiping my nose.

“Unmerited love and forgiveness,” Dr. Beaker says. “People don’t always do the right thing. They do the best they can. You did your best.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I ask, “Because nothing can make me feel better.”

Dr. Beaker rubs his face in frustration and exhales. “So, that’s it.” His steady eyes hold mine. He’s assessing me again.

“I thoug...

... middle of paper ...

The torment.

Becoming Grace.

I’m inside the cage. My body forced against the wires. Shredded.

Strained, pushed through by the force of all the things shouldering against me, competing for my surrender. All my fears bear against me. I think the cage keeps it out, but it’s all in there with me, locked away, buried. Grace. The dogs. Frank. Momma. My insecurities. Fear of the unknown. The cage trying to contain. To keep me. To destroy me.

Preventing Life. Love. Happiness.

I don’t want to be caged! I want to love! I want to live! I don’t want to be Grace! Everything that is suppressed deep down spews and the cage I’ve built draws its last gasping breath. It’s as if someone opens the door and sets me free. Hands touch my face, cupping it gently.

My eyes slowly open to dozens of freckles.

Beautiful, sweet freckles! Good.

“I love you, too,” my sister says.

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