Six years ago, I remember coming home from high school and being told that my grandmother had passed away. Since she had lived far away in Malta, I had not been able to visit her in four or five years. Everyone in my family was upset and tearful, except for me. Nothing felt different. I was disgusted with myself for being so cold, and for a long time, I condemned myself for being so unsympathetic. Years later, however, I found myself talking to her spirit constantly, acting as if we had never been separated and feeling that she had never died. I even went so far as to collect flowers and bird feathers in her memory. This went on for the past year and a half, but it came to a halt some months ago, when I had my very first dream about her. Through Sigmund Freud’s “Interpretation of Dreams,” I feel ready to analyze and decipher my own unconscious.
I remember my dream beginning in the garage of my home in Malta. I was at my present age and sitting with my Grandma on the wooden futon against the wall. Our legs were resting on the pick-up truck that was normally placed there. On the other side of my Nana sat my father and mother. We were all laughing cheerfully about a painting of a twisting tree that my grandma and I had made together. I remember holding her in my arms and rubbing her back as I began to hear her speak gibberish. I felt her decaying in my hands, but as I looked towards my parents, I watched them continue to laugh. I cried and held her until I forced myself to wake up from the sight of watching her die.
According to Freud, dreams are essential to understanding and becoming cognizant of one’s own unconscious. In his writings he often claims that dreams allow an individual to achieve repressed a...
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...throughout the day and collecting flower petals and feathers in her memory. The dream brought out evidence of this repression through symbols referencing my last visit, my goodbye, and my reaction to the suddenness of her death. However, like Freud claimed, I achieved fulfillment of my desires to say goodbye and felt the impact of her death that I had constantly punished myself for never having. Waking up in tears after the dream marked the beginning of personal closure and since then, I have felt an incredible sense of relief. I can therefore only agree with Freud in the belief that analyzing dreams can bring resolve into reality. Though perhaps his explanations of sex in relation to symbols and dream displacement cannot be connected nor affirmed in my own case, his theories on repression, hidden meaning, and fulfillment seem to hold both truth and importance.
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