Successful Marriages

Broadly speaking, DeGenova specifies four criteria which need to effectively coexist for a marriage to be successful: “durability, approximation of ideals, fulfillment of needs, and satisfaction” (p. 174). First, durability in and of itself is not indicative of a successful marriage because many couples remain in unhappy relationships for a number of reasons. Instead, durability needs to include stability and quality. Second, approximation of ideals represents the extent to which the relationship fulfills ideals and exceptions. Of primary concern is that such ideals are individually subjective. Third, fulfillment of needs encompasses psychological, social, and sexual needs such as love, self-fulfillment, affection, approval, companionship, and friendship. Of primary importance is that this need fulfillment be mutually-beneficial with reciprocal effort by both parties toward securing the well-being of their partner. Finally, satisfaction reflects the extent to which spouses are both fulfilled and content in their marriage. Again, the subjective nature of these constructs complicates adequate assessment of whether a specific marriage meets this criterion.

In addition to these concepts, one must assess the degree of happiness or unhappiness within a relationship. As would be expected, positive actions are reciprocated thusly and vice versa. Of primary concern is the perpetuation of negativity by one person after his/her spouse made a negative comment, thus prolonging a vicious cycle of “negative affect reciprocity” (p. 175). In happy couples, a negative action is seen as an exception to the norm and not responded to with negativity but understanding and compassion; however, in unhappy couples, negative actions breed more negativit...

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...ance are crucial because they demonstrate emotional maturity in the knowledge that life is dynamic and change and challenges will occur.

Any deficiencies in these elements are frequently seen in the premarital relationship, thus resulting in recommendations for premarital counseling for all couples. Similarly, the state of the marriage within the first two years is indicative of long-term success as the “honeymoon phase” ends and those partners who realistically look at their partner as a human being with flaws and establish a stable marital bond are more successful. Accordingly, individuals must be realistic and to pay attention to red flags prior to marriage so they will not subsequently regret any decisions they have made.

Works Cited

DeGenova, M. (2008). Intimate relationships, marriages &

families (7th ed.). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.