The party took place at a super-secret location in Hawaii. I had chosen the top-secret location so that surveillance would be unlikely. Furthermore, each guest would have to pass through state-of-the-art weapons and biological warfare detectors.
William Shakespeare arrived first. “Hi,” I said. His response? “Good morrow.” What a strange greeting. I ushered him through the scanner. Of course William Shakespeare hadn’t carried any weapons.
Soon the various astronomers arrived. Galileo was carrying a telescope. Unfortunately, the telescope set off the alarm. “I’m sorry, but you cannot bring that into the building,” I declared. Copernicus, Kepler, and Bacon passed through without any problem.
Elizabeth I arrived next, carrying with her a ton of jewels. She had to remove them all before entering.
Henry VIII and Jane Seymour, a happy couple, then arrived at the party. I allowed them in without issue.
James I arrived, carrying a Bible—his King James Bible, to be precise. It wasn’t a biological weapon, so he was allowed to bring it in.
I decided at this point that I wouldn’t wait for the rest of the guests, and walked in to mingle with the people who had already arrived.
“My friends, your seats have been reserved at the table. Dinner will be served in 15 minutes,” I announced.
I walked around and chatted with some of my guests. I asked Sir Walter Raleigh, who had just arrived, what he thought about the Lost Colony. “Whatever,” he shrugged. “Not my problem.”
Soon everyone had arrived and was milling around. “Ladies and gentlemen,” I said. “Please, take your seats at the dining table.”
The dinner started very well. I had arranged t...
... middle of paper ...
...t as Henry passed him, causing Henry VIII to fall flat on his face. Charles threw a plate at Henry, causing the plate to shatter. He grabbed some turkey and hurled it at Henry for good measure. Henry was dead.
Devereux and Mary, Queen of Scots had managed to corner Bloody Mary. But instead of killing her outright, they decided to engage in a food fight. Grabbing some grapes from the table, they threw them at Mary I as one throws a javelin. By sheer luck, the overwhelming amount of food chucked at Mary caused her to suffocate and die.
I didn’t bother to watch the rest of the events unfold. I walked outside with my mobile phone and called for my special armed forced to come in. Catherine Howard, Anne Boleyn, Oliver Cromwell, Mary, Queen of Scots, and Robert Devereux were all apprehended and removed from the party. The rest of the evening proceeded with little fanfare.
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