Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen.
My name is Bill, Michael's brother. Michael didn't choose me to be in the wedding party in the traditional way. Actually, I drew straws with our other brother Sean. (pause) But just because I'm up here speaking don't for one minute think I was the winner.
I think all went well this morning getting Michael ready for his big day. The condemned man ate a hearty breakfast, but alas I was unable to comply with his last request as a single man due to objections from the S.P.C.A...........Bloody do-gooders!
Going back some 30 years my first memory of Michael was that he was small and a bit dribbly – yes that’s right, very similar indeed to how he looked at the church this morning. So it shouldn’t be too hard to believe that he was a deeply ugly baby. So ugly in fact, that when he was born the midwife had to be restrained from slapping my parents. And come to think of it, I recall my mum suffering badly from morning sickness ……. right up until Michael’s 1st birthday.
I was however very excited at the prospect of having another little brother. Someone I could dress up as a gimp and scar for life - you know, the usual brotherly stuff. But even before he was born he was getting ME into trouble. It was seven months into my mum’s pregnancy and I spotted her arriving back from a hospital check up. I was with dad and...
... middle of paper ...
...t from someone who’s motto is - “If you don’t like my driving you should keep off the pavements”.
Michael, despite all the abuse I've just dealt you, you really are a special person and a true friend as well as a brother. I'm lucky to know you and I'm fortunate you've brought a warm and caring person into my life as well as yours. So seriously, I do hope Michael knows how lucky he is. Not only has he found a beautiful wife who completes a wonderful couple but he's also found someone who wants to live with him for the rest of his life. I managed 14 years and that was more than enough for me!
Ladies and gentlemen, please raise your glasses and drink a toast to the health and happiness of Paul and Linda.
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