Good afternoon, Ladies and Gentleman – It’s my job to reply to the toast to the bridesmaids and in doing so, say a couple of nice things about George. You know, tell you about some of his good points. The problem is he doesn’t have any good points. Well, except for being naturally gifted at sports. We do, after all, come from the same gene pull.
So, on behalf of the bridesmaid, Claire, I would like to start by thanking George for his kind words. I am sure you will all agree that she looks wonderful today, as always. And so does the bride, Peggy - stunning, as always. And, for a change, George has scrubbed up quite nicely too. He looks very refreshed, don't you think? I feel I can take a certain amount of credit for this, because I tried to ensure George got a good night's sleep. We only had a few pints, after which he slept like a baby - so he kept waking up every half an hour crying and asking for his mum. He also wet his bed - but so did I.
I should take this opportunity to reveal to you all of George's past misdemeanours. Unfortunately I have played a part in most of the incriminating events, because we've always been co-conspirators and joint culprits. So, by disclosing everything George has done, I would be implicating myself and I really don't want to tarnish my impeccable reputation. Instead, I’ll shall keep things very simple and stick to the basic ...
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...ccess. Our healthy competition has spurred us both to greater heights, although I thought it necessary to add that I did get the higher grade in Maths GCSE. I love your sense of humour and playful nature. You are the only person in the world who makes me laugh out loud. We have shared so special memories together and I'm sure that there will be many more in the future. I look up to you in more ways than you can ever believe. Finally, I can only admire your good taste in women - which brings me onto Peggy, who is as lovely on the inside as she is on the outside.
Ladies and gentlemen, if you would be upstanding for a toast to George and Peggy - may they both grow old on the same pillow. To George and Peggy!
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