Abortion - The Most Painful Decision of My Life

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Abortion - The Most Painful Decision of My Life

I gazed out the thick pane of glass to my left, allowing the fields to go by practically unnoticed. Like I seemed to do so often these days, I reflected back on my life—where I had been and where I was headed.

“Ma’am? Would you care for a beverage?”

“Huh? Oh, just water please. Thank you,” I responded. I had become so wrapped up in my own mind that I was unaware of my surroundings. The waitress’s question brought me back to reality, and I grabbed a magazine out of the rack on the back of the seat in front of me. I took a few sips of water as I thumbed through a Family Circle I had just picked up. The speed of the train and the constant hum of the wheels on the tracks quickly induced another trance, as I again gazed out the window.

I remembered back to when I was eight years old. Every day when I got home from Mr. Huntley’s class, I quickly did my homework so I could play with Sarah and her younger brother, Ryan, across the street. My favorite thing to play was house. I was sure Sarah and Ryan got sick of playing house every single day, but I insisted that we did. I was the mother, Sarah put on some of her dad’s clothes and played the father, and Ryan played our son. I loved the concept of a family and of being a mother. When we played, I cared for Ryan like he was my son, and when I wasn’t with Sarah and Ryan, I carried around a stuffed doll named Nellie. My mother admired the great care that I showed towards Nellie; she always said that some day I would be a great mother. I truly believed her, and I planned on having as many children as I could to prove her right.

I snapped back to reality as I felt moisture on my cheeks (a few ...

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...he hardest thing I ever did in my entire life—I wept all night.

I thanked MacKenzie for her hospitality at the end of the week, and I boarded the train. I was now only an hour outside of Davis and away from Jeffrey. Being away from him for a week, I had discovered that I really did love him (that at least he would never be taken from me). After all, he did not want to abort the child for selfish reasons—he always had our interests (and those of the child) in mind. He would probably be relieved at my decision, but I knew that I would never be the same again.

I had tried to have a child twice. Both times I had failed. I looked at the cover of the Family Circle I’d had in my hand for the last three hours. On the cover was a mother and her newborn child. I sobbed because I realized that the same thing might never be possible for Jeffrey and me.

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