Ladies and Gentlemen you'll be pleased to know I am only going to speak for a couple of minutes because of my throat..... if I go on too long Angie has threatened to cut it.
However, before I begin, on behalf of John and Angie I would like to thank everyone who has helped to make this the special day that it is - and I think we can all agree it has been splendid so far.
Well, I knew it would be difficult to follow a speech made by John and I was right .... I couldn't follow a bloomin word of it. When John asked me to be his Best woman I felt very privileged at first, but then as the big day approached I thought why did he ask me? what had I done that was so wrong? I then remembered a good definition of being asked to be the Bestman, is like being asked to make love to the Queen Mother - its a great honour, but nobody wants to do it. But even so, I still agreed to be John's Best woman and here I am today.
So, before I commence to slander John's character as is traditional, I'd just like to thank him for lending me a book entitled "The Bestman's Checklist". I must confess I was mystified by some of the things I was expected to do.
(1) Get the Groom to the Church sober and on time - well ladies and gentlemen I think you could all agree I have completed by first duty splendidly.
(2) Bring a Chequebook for payments the groom may have forgotten - well kn...
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Example : To John and Angie, If you need some wedding tips, call 0800 and ask for hot lips...
Finally, on behalf of the bride and groom I would like to thank everyone for sharing their special day, it is a true millstone - sorry milestone in their lives. On behalf of myself I wish you'd all stayed at home - as things would have been a lot easier on me. I started planning this speech about 5 months ago and I expect you all feel like I've been delivering it equally as long. But now it gives me immense pleasure (not to mention relief) to invite you to all stand and raise your glasses in a toast to John and Angie. To love, laughter and happily ever after. To John and Angie CONGRATULATIONS
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