Everyone wanted to see me get fat, I was sure of it. For once in my life I had some semblance of control over my body in a way no else did. Managing my body took discipline and I was not going to have anyone interfere. I sat crouched in the small space between my parents’ bathtub and toilet, the cool white ceramic tiles reflecting the blonde of my hair, the tears that somehow managed to eke out of the eye ducts were streaming down my hot, mucus slathered face. In the corner behind the toilet, the dog hair swirled in little eddies, and the rim of the toilet had faint speckles of urine, unnoticeable to anyone not at eye level. The shower was on and the fan running as a distraction. Every once in awhile I would knock a bar of soap into the tub with a heavy thud or set a bottle down hard enough so that anyone listening at the door would be fooled and actually think I was in the shower. I used to vomit in the shower, pushing the chunks of food and bright colored foamy mucus down the drain, but one night, in my hurry to clean up, I had not been able to push a slice of pickle down the drain grates and my mother found it. Pickles, raw vegetables, and spaghetti were the hardest foods to fit down the drain.
As I basked in the hazy afterglow of my purge I tasted the blood, sweet and thick as it trickled down my throat and knuckles. Lately there had been more blood and my knuckles were forming bright red raised scaly patches, scarring over in thick nubs from the constant scraping against my teeth. After a meal or a drink I would wait ten agonizing minutes until I could leave the table and say I was taking a bath. Locking myself in the bathroom I would run the water, hover over the toilet...
... middle of paper ...
...awed its way into my mind. For every plea food made to be eaten, and every moment my emaciated belly begged to absorb it there was an even louder voice in me that told me to deny it. There was a constant battle raging; food and my physical body on one side, my brain on the other side, telling me I was weak, fat, and a slob. The fear of food was only one small link to my anorexia. Although other emotional issues catalyzed my anorexia, starvation simply a manifestation of my deeper psychological problems, the fear and anxiety I felt around food was the most accessible avenue to understanding and explaining my condition. To admit my fear of food was not only a starting point from which to begin recovery, but it was also a point of personal acceptance, finally admitting to myself that I had become a prisoner in my own body, cowering from the voices screaming in my mind.
Need Writing Help?
Get feedback on grammar, clarity, concision and logic instantly.Check your paper »
- Worldwide more than one billion people are overweight and more than eight-million people suffer from eating disorders (Adriaanse, Ridder, Evers 1; Smith 9). Most people aren’t extremely fit. Everyone has some problem with food, to an extent. For most people the problems are under control, but this is not the case for everyone. Unhealthy relationships with food can have serious consequences. Unhealthy eating habits can contribute to these consequences. One common unhealthy mannerism that many people don’t realize they have is the tendency to eat emotionally.... [tags: emotional eating, junk food, chips]
1014 words (2.9 pages)
- There are various eating disorders that plenty of people partake in currently within America. Most eating disorders focus on losing weight and maintaining a thin figure. According to the Office on Women’s Health, binge eating disorder is the most common eating disorder in the U.S. which affects about two percent of American adults (“Binge Eating Disorder Fact Sheet,” 2012). The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services defines binge eating is when a person frequently consumes a large amount of food.... [tags: eating disorders, binge eating]
1606 words (4.6 pages)
- The Dangers of Living with an Eating Disorder Imagine waking up every morning, struggling to get out of bed. The room spins. Stumbling over to the mirror, you study and criticize every last inch of your body as the words “fat, ugly, worthless” echo in your head. You then stagger to the bathroom, using the wall to hold you up. You don’t remember the last time you ate a “normal” meal. Stepping on the scale will determine your mood for the day. If it has decreased since yesterday, you have succeeded; if it has stayed the same, or worse, gone up, those voices inside your head become stronger, telling you how useless you are.... [tags: Health Eating Disorders Essays]
1405 words (4 pages)
- Obesity is a complex disorder, with a simple cause. Unhealthy eating habits start young, but food is not the only problem people have. Over half of the adult population is not getting the proper physical activity they should. Fat is an essential to life and humans are professional at creating it. Since people are so good at creating fats, they need to have a balanced nutrition, because having too much fat is unsafe, but having too little is unhealthy (Power 5). Obesity is a growing problem/ issue and dieting pills are not safe and effective, because they have not been tested.... [tags: unhealthy eating habits, food, addiction]
1431 words (4.1 pages)
- The author of this article, Dr. Austin, is with the Department of Society, Human Development, and Health of Harvard School of Public Health. She is the Director of Fellowship Research Training in the Division of Adolescent and Young Adult Medicine at Children’s Hospital Boston. She is an award-winning researcher, and her primary research addresses social and environmental influences on physical activity, nutritional patterns, and eating disorders in school and community settings. This journal article was written to inform the reader of the need for a public health approach to eating disorders prevention.... [tags: health, eating disorders]
937 words (2.7 pages)
- Eating Disorders “Food - too much of it, we suffer, and to lack of it, we will suffer.” Because of it, humans have lost their sanity and it’s the main cause of most health issues, which is eating disorder. Eating disorders are common in America today, and combined in all their various forms it is a very serious health problem that is growing into even larger problems. Because the media perpetuates a thin ideal, body dissatisfaction has escalated and eating disorders have steadily increased in both genders due to an excessive preoccupation with appearance.... [tags: anorexia, bulemia, binge eating]
1011 words (2.9 pages)
- Have you ever heard about eating disorder. eating disorder means that conditions defined by abnormal eating habits that may involve either insufficient or excessive food intake to the detriment of an individual's physical and mental health. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eating_disorder). Nowadays, eating disorder more and more serious. Many people suffered from this. Even few people died because of this. Then, why did this disease break born. Eating disorder's causing can explained to social trend and problems of the individual.... [tags: abnormal eating habits]
609 words (1.7 pages)
- While Bulimia is known by many names, the term “bulimia” did not enter the English language until the 1970s, “perhaps representing lingering uncertainty about its essence” (Gordon, 2000). Bulimia, as we know it, is a modern disease, however, there is some evidence of binging and purging in ancient times; for example, in ancient Egypt, “physicians would recommend periodical purgation as a health practice” (Gordon, 2000). There has also been documentation of wealthy families in the middle ages vomiting during meals in order to continue eating large amounts of food.... [tags: anorexia, bulimia, binge eating]
1874 words (5.4 pages)
- Look in the mirror. Do you like what you see. Most of us have come to appreciate ourselves for who we are. While other’s struggle to achieve the perfect body. They strive to be what is depicted in fashion magazines and movies. The never ending obsession to be the perfect size zero. This inevitably can lead to eating disorders. Eating disorders can cause someone to have an unhealthy image of themselves and food is the enemy. In a national survey at the Mclean Hospital in Massachusetts it was estimated that over 9 million people suffer with eating disorders.... [tags: Anorexia Nervosa, Binge Eating, Bulimia]
2394 words (6.8 pages)
- Eating Disorders in Gymnasts At a gymnastics meet in Budapest, a U.S. judge commented that gymnast Christy Henrich would have to lose weight if she wanted to make the Olympic team. On July 26, 1994, Christy Henrich died of multiple organ failure. She had lost a long battle with anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. Anorexia nervosa is an eating disorder that involves extreme weight loss, restricted food intake, and an intense fear of becoming fat. The American Psychiatric Association outlines four diagnostic criteria for anorexia.... [tags: Eating Disorders Gymnastics Sports Essays]
1990 words (5.7 pages)