Analysis of You Just Don't Understand, Men and Women in Conversation by Deborah Tannen

Analysis of You Just Don't Understand, Men and Women in Conversation by Deborah Tannen

Length: 1274 words (3.6 double-spaced pages)

Rating: Strong Essays

Open Document

Essay Preview

Analysis of You Just Don't Understand, Men and Women in Conversation by Deborah Tannen


In the first chapter of her book, You Just Don't Understand, Men and Women in Conversation, Deborah Tannen quotes, "...studies have shown that married couples that live together spend less than half an hour a week talking to each other...". (24) This book is a wonderful tool for couples to use for help in understanding each other. The two things it stresses most is to listen, and to make yourself heard. This book opened my eyes to the relationship I am in now, with a wonderful person, for about four years. It made me realize that most of our little squabble-like fights could have been avoided, if one or the other of us could sit down and shut up for a minute to listen. Most of our fights had erupted from a misunderstanding or miscommunication on either of our parts, and we're only dating! I can only imagine the conflict two partners would have in a marriage with children. This book outlined a lot of couples' problems, where they may have started, and how to circumvent them. After starting to read this book, I realized to do a book report on the entire book would be very difficult, so I chose situations that most related to me to report on.
Intimacy is a very important when dealing with people trying to minimize their differences and attempting to reach a compromise. Independence is also a virtue you need to get any kind of status in today's ranking world. In order to get any kind of rank you need to be demanding, tell others what to do, and the act of taking orders is a sign of low rank in society. Everyone needs both intimacy and independence, though women concentrate more on the first and men more on the latter. This c...


... middle of paper ...


... and skills to help — even though he didn't.
Many women not only feel comfortable seeking help, they also feel honored to seek it, accept it, and display gratitude. Men on the other hand feel honored to fill the request for help, whether or not it is convenient for them to do so.
Ms. Tannen's book was both interesting and informative to me, and my relationships, not just with my boyfriend, but also my parents and other friends. I am usually one who expresses opinion freely, sometimes forgetting who else may be in the room. I also discovered that I interrupted in conversation quite a bit, and didn't even realize I was hurting my boyfriends feelings. You Just Don't Understand made me interested in how men's and women's minds work differently, and to open my mind to the possibility that what I say or hear may have been perceived differently than intended.

Need Writing Help?

Get feedback on grammar, clarity, concision and logic instantly.

Check your paper »

You Just Don't Understand Essay

- Deborah Tannen is the author of the book You Just Don't Understand where she analyzes the different meanings of communication between men and women. Her research shows that women and men use the same words and phrases and yet can interpret and react to those same words and phrases differently. Tannen compares the two sexes to find men use their conversation as a type of competition or to preserve their independence. For example, men talk about their knowledge regarding sports, cars, women, exc. Meanwhile, women try to foster intimacy through communication....   [tags: Book Review Deborah Tannen Analysis]

Free Essays
1363 words (3.9 pages)

Verifying the Theories of Deborah Tannen's You Just Don’t Understand Essay

- Verifying the Theories of Deborah Tannen's You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation with an Episode of Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher The book You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, written by Deborah Tannen, is an analytical book offering scientific insights on the conversational differences between women and men. The book is copyrighted 1990 and is still read and widely talked about all over the world. Tannen is a Professor of Linguistics at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C....   [tags: Deborah Tannen You Just Don’t Understand]

Strong Essays
1075 words (3.1 pages)

The Argument Culture: Rhetorical Analysis Essay

- The Argument Culture: Rhetorical Analysis An old adage says, “In quarreling, the truth is always lost,” (Bolander, 1987). The truth is often considered subjective; it depends on circumstances, time, and many other variables. We understand that what is truth to one may not be truth to another, and after reading Dr. Tannen’s work, I realized that she has done exactly what she said exacerbates the argumentative culture we live in today. She has looked at only two sides. Due to this, I would call into question Dr....   [tags: Article Analysis ]

Strong Essays
1457 words (4.2 pages)

Deborah Tannen’s Marked Women and Virginia Woolf’s Professions for Women

- It is as if a window finally cracks open revealing the sun’s rays brightening with the truth that men and women experience different challenges. Deborah Tannen’s Marked Women has to face the music when applied to Virginia Woolf’s Professions for Women. In Tannen’s essay the claim that “[t]here is no unmarked women” has trouble withstanding but manages to hold up Woolf’s position of the battle women fought against the traditional norm to the freedom they can possess. First and foremost, Tannen claims that all women are “unmarked” and that leaves the essay with room for doubt....   [tags: Virginia Woolf, Deborah Tannen]

Strong Essays
905 words (2.6 pages)

Essay on Discourse Analysis : Family Interactions

- Susana Vique-Kearney DISCOURSE ANALYSIS OF FAMILY INTERACTIONS Annotated Bibliography Burnham, Denis. 2002. What 's New, Pussycat. On Talking to Babies and Animals. Science. Volume American Association for the Advancement of Science. Downloaded from www.sciencemag.org on July 28, 2014. Denis Burnham is a professor and Director of the MARCS Auditory Laboratories at the University of Western Sydney. This research article focuses primarily on Infant-Directed Speech (IDS) and Pet-Directed Speech (PDS)....   [tags: Family, An American Family, Discourse analysis]

Strong Essays
2031 words (5.8 pages)

You Just Don 't Understand By Deborah Tannen Essay

- In Deborah Tannen’s writing, You Just Don’t Understand, she argues and presents different gender differences between males and females. Tannen shows that the root of all of these differences is that most of the time males value independence and females value the intimacy of a relationship. These traits hidden in the male and female psychology affect their decisions and actions. Through my own observations and experiences I have confirmed her beliefs and agree with her arguments. Tannen gives an example of how these psychological traits affects human emotions and actions when she discusses the relationship between Josh and Linda and the relationship between Louise and Howie....   [tags: Gender, Male, Female, Sex]

Strong Essays
1028 words (2.9 pages)

Deborah Tannen's Can't We Talk Essay examples

- Deborah Tannen's Can't We Talk Deborah Tannen’s case study entitled “Can’t We Talk?” is the most relevant reading that I have ever done for any class. It relates to a problem that every person regardless of age, race or sex, will have to face many times in his or her lifetime. The problem is that men and women communicate differently and these differences can often lead to conflict. This case study is very informative because it helps to clarify the thought process of each sex. That said this reading leaves the reader somewhat unfulfilled because Tannen does not offer a solution to the problem....   [tags: Deborah Tannen Can't We Talk Essays]

Strong Essays
1244 words (3.6 pages)

The Argument Culture By Deborah Tannen Essay

- A mere question is how Tannen pulls the reader into her article titled “The Argument Culture.” Deborah Tannen uses multiple rhetorical devices such as language, logos, and imagery to explain in depth the “adversarial mindset” plaguing America and shows us her solution in the article “The Argument Culture”. Tannen wanted to inform Americans how argument based we truly are and persuade us to make change. Like I stated earlier Tannen begins this process by placing a question in our minds, “Balance....   [tags: Rhetoric, Persuasion, Critical thinking]

Strong Essays
1122 words (3.2 pages)

Deborah Tannen ( 2015 ) Essay

- Natida Nivasnanda RHET 105-E3 Deborah Tannen (2015) claims that the standard classroom environment of active discussion cater and benefit to men and their “pursuit of knowledge” whilst hindering women (p.370). She identifies that women are predisposed to listen and are intimidated by men and their active participation. She states that males and females learn contrastingly. As well, Tannen argues that it is dependent of the majority of the class atmosphere that one’s learning behavior is determined....   [tags: Gender, Male, Female, Woman]

Strong Essays
915 words (2.6 pages)

Men and Women: As Interpreted by Deborah Tannen Essay

- Did you know, “men and women talk differently because they are raised in something like two different cultures: a male culture from which young men learn to speak like men and a female culture in which young women learn to speak like women?”(Cooper and MacDonald 9). Well, not actually from two separate cultures, but the idea of men and women being opposites as pointed out in the opening. Deborah Tannen has made her theory that a male culture and female culture each exist, very popular with the human population and has written an extensive book on her theory....   [tags: essays research papers fc]

Strong Essays
781 words (2.2 pages)