In the novel, Darkness at Noon, by Koestler, Rubashov learns about himself, and makes an effort to cross the hazy lines between his conscience and his beliefs. Rubashov's realization of the individual aspect of morality is a gradual process, satisfying his internal arguments and questions of guilt. His confession to Gletkin reflects the logic that Rubashov had used (both by himself and his political regime), as well as his internal conflicts. He questioned the inferior value of the human, in respect to the priceless value of humanity. Rubashov's ideas on communism, he found, were blurred by his dedication to the Soviet revolutionaries, and ordeal that compromised his life to solve. In many ways, Rubashov was an antagonist to himself. One way Rubashov defeated his goal was by giving in to suit others. "The Party denied the free will of the individual - and at the same time it exacted his willing self-sacrifice… There was somewhere an error in the calculation; the equation did not work out."(204) Rubashov's confession implies a submission of his personal ego to a larger purpose, and he questions himself as to whether it is worth it. His ideals were not his own, but rather the ideals that the communist revolutionaries forced him to have. Rubashov was a man who thinks extremely logical in every situation; he follows every idea "…down to its final consequence."(80) He is an elite intellectual, but even as Ivanov and Gletkin question his line of thinking, Rubashov constantly asks himself the same questions. He justifies his rational by reminding himself that he is working for a more perfect society, no matter what the cost. As stated in the first partition of his confession, he heard only ...
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...ath, I believe that he doesn't exactly know for what he is dying for. A rather depressing picture is painted in Darkness at Noon, but a vision of history is seen that is seldom talked about. The separation that Rubashov endured must have been among the worst, as "he felt an urgent desire to understand" it.(203) Unfortunately, Rubashov is not successful in his attempt to re-establish the connection. He dies without the reassurance of a better future, which he dedicated his life to as the "dull blow struck the back of his head."(211) I believe that this was a sought-after relief that Rubashov had earned. As strange as it sounds, I feel he earned his death and was finally released into a world of humanity. Rubashov was a sacrificial lamb upon the altar: The great strength of the Party logic was unhealthy to Rubashov, and led to his death; a death that was self-imposed.
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