Positive Habits of Relationships in the Book Fall in Love Stay in Love by Wilard Harley
Willard Harley, the author of His Needs Her Needs, has written a follow up book discussing the insights and techniques for building and sustaining the feeling of love in marriage. The name of this book is Fall In Love Stay In Love. The objective for this book is to help people fall in love by learning how to meet each others needs, and it goes further by showing what habits to avoid in order to stay in love.
This book has very realistic concepts because Harley is speaking from experience. He is a marriage counselor and has used his philosophy on bringing couples together in a loving relationship many times. If a family were to take the steps provided in his book, there is a good chance they will benefit from them. Dr. Harley understands that there are people involved in a number of problems when it comes to marriage. He says, "Granted, poor communication, failure to resolve conflicts, and fighting all contribute to the loss of love. But these are also symptoms of lost love. In other words, I began to realize that if I wanted to save marriages, I would have to go beyond improving communication. I would have to learn how to restore love". He does not look at the problems that are visible on the outside, but realizes that these problems are caused by something much deeper than simply bad attitudes or consistent mistakes. There is one idea the author has though that may turn the reader away from the book. This idea is that love is not a mystery. To some people this idea of love being a mystery may create some problems. The way people have viewed love since a very young age tells them that love is nothing less than magical. People...
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...rd Harley is a well known marriage counselor, but it would have given him more credibility if he would have included case studies to support his work. This would also give the reader confidence in obtaining the goals of the book.
After reading this book and discussing the different steps, views, and concepts with my girlfriend, I would definitely recommend this book to other couples. Falling in love is one thing, which can certainly be done without following steps that are in this book, but staying in love is definitely a challenge for some couples. By following the guidelines that are presented in Fall In Love Stay In Love, I can see that there is a potential for couples to be redirected in their love relationships. If it does not change your behavior, it will at least make you think about the ways you can act and how it affects the one that loves you most.
A married couple may not always be the happiest couple even though it may seem that love is expressed in the relationship. Some marriages are meant to be while some are not. What causes a person to be dissatisfied with their marriage? Or how do external factors play a role on the outcome of a relationship? As for the case in "Holding Things Together" and "The Painted Door"; these short stories have a few similarities, but they also have many contrasting factors to take into consideration on why one couple is successful with there relationship while the other is not.
Karen, R., (1998). Becoming Attached: First Relationships and How They Shape Our Capacity to Love. New York: Oxford Press.
...as the day we married.” (p 23) On the surface, all seems well; however if on looks closer one can see a very sad occurrence-taking place. Most couples who have lasted a goodly time together will not answer the question, “Do you love your spouse like the day you married?” Invariably man and wife will reply, “No, I love him/her more than the day we married.” Long married couples become closer. Intimacy grows in the physical as the couple’s love proportionally grows all more. The growth is palpable to the individuals within the marriage. Furthermore, as life’s hardships are over come together, the couple’s love will grow exponentially. Welty understands this yet chooses a different path for the Fletchers. Some place in time, either by Mrs. Fletchers pride or by Mr. Fletcher’s inability to deal with confrontation, the growth of which should have taken place will happen.
A History of Marriage by Stephanie Coontz speaks of the recent idealization of marriage based solely on love. Coontz doesn’t defame love, but touches on the many profound aspects that have created and bonded marriages through time. While love is still a large aspect Coontz wants us to see that a marriage needs more solid and less fickle aspects than just love.
He also should have added what the pros are of cohabitation, even if they do not agree with what he believes as he would have been able to turn it around ad say you can do this in cohabitation, but it can be better in marriage. He also fails to offer adverse aspects of marriage beyond the cost of divorce. Wilson not only attempts to confuse the reader off the get go but wants you to make the reader believe that marriage is the only option to truly be happy ad get the most out of
Stepping into a new life with someone is difficult enough, but if you step into the marriage with unrealistic expectations (which vary among couples) you’ve set yourself up for great conflicts. In “The Myth of Co-Parenting” and “My Problem with her Anger,” both Edelman and Bartels are at a disadvantage due to the expectations they’ve created. Everything in their marriages is going in a different direction, and nothing is parring up with their original expectations. They’ve seen marriages they admire, and also marriages on the other side of the spectrum. To better phrase this, both authors allow expectations to control their mindset in their marriages, but Edelman’s expectations
The relationship between the husband and wife seems initially to be perfect. They both show each other expressions of love. There is understanding, harmony, financial security, and good communication between them. The couple spends a lot of time together, discussing future plans, and talking about the good moments they had in the past. However, behind all of this positive interaction between the two of them is something they are both not able
Gottman’s Seven Principles are: Enhance Your Love Maps, Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration, Turn Toward each Other Instead of Away, Let Your Partner Influence You, Solve your Solvable Problems, Overcome Gridlock and Create Shared Meaning. These seven principles are crucial since they emphasize and reinforce positive techniques that can be integrated into the relationship to overcome the difficult stages. According to Gottman, emotional intelligence is the key that can bond couples together eradicating the possibility of a
Devito, Joseph A. "Relationship Maintenance; Love." Devito, Joseph A. The Interpersonal Communications Book. Boston: Pearson, Allyn & Bacon, 2009. 225, 254.
Take for occurrences, section 9, "men are somewhat Pollyannaish about the condition of their marriage, while their spouses are sensitive to the inconvenience." This is not generally so for one side or the other. It is increasingly that couples need to take in the dialect of the other individual and recollect what it took to get the individual
...hor of this book does write rude and profound “rules” of love, he also shows the true side of relationships and how a man or women should love and think about their companion.
A developed relationship can be interpreted as one where the couple is interdependent, tolerant, and dedicated. Equity allows a relationship to efficiently develop in this manner. Judith Viorst illustrates a poem depicting a couple’s struggles and their sacrifices for the other in “True Love”. In many points of the poem, the couple is compromising for the other’s flaws in order to avoid unnecessary conflicts. “I do not resent watching the Green Bay Packers / Even though I am philosophically opposed to football” (Stanza 1) is an example of the wife forcing herself
Brockmeier’s short story represents a damaged marriage between a husband and a wife simply due to a different set of values and interests. Brockmeier reveals that there is a limit to love; husbands and wives will only go so far to continually show love for each other. Furthermore, he reveals that love can change as everything in this ever changing world does. More importantly, Brockmeier exposes the harshness and truth behind marriage and the detrimental effects on the people in the family that are involved. In the end, loving people forever seems too good to be true as affairs and divorces continually occur in the lives of numerous couples in society. However, Brockmeier encourages couples to face problems head on and to keep moving forward in a relationship. In the end, marriage is not a necessity needed to live life fully.
For my honors assignment, I chose the TED talk “The secret to desire in a long-term relationship” by couple’s therapist Esther Perel. As I read down the list through my options for the assignment write up, this one caught my attention right away. I feel as though this article specifically lured me in because I could relate to it the most, taking that I have been in a long-term relationship for seven years. I felt that choosing to write about this TED talk would be beneficial to me in hearing what Esther Perel had to say on the topic that may affect someone just like me, and to also connect to all that we have learned in FSHD 237 this semester.
Schlessinger, L. (2007). The proper care & feeding of marriage. New York, NY: Harper Collins Publishers.