I Have Depression Essay

I Have Depression Essay

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I push myself through the masses of students in the hallway, knowing that my eyes are beginning to water. My friends approach me tentatively, draping their arms across my shoulder, inquiring as to what ails me. The only response is the shuddering of my frame and a barely audible whisper. "I don't know what's wrong anymore." I am ushered to the bathroom, or the guidance center, or some secluded space, my friend murmuring reassurances all the while. "It'll be ok, Jess. It'll get better. Everything is going to turn out fine." I remain taciturn, save for an occasional sniffle.

 

An authority figure - a teacher, a counselor - joins us, nodding slightly to my companion. At that she wanders off toward her class but not before embracing me a final time and reminding me to call her the moment I get home. I am left with the counselor who begins to question me as to why I am sobbing. Am I having problems at home? Am I doing well at school? Am I in a fight with one of my friends? The answers role off my tongue - no, no, no. A pause followed the most difficult question. "Why then are you crying?" "I have depression," comes my shaky reply. Now the interrogation begins. Am I taking drugs? Have I thought about death? Am I planning suicide? It's my turn to answer again -no, yes, no. They speak with me about the situation at length, swearing that it won't always be this way. Despite the nausea that accompanies these incidents, I plaster a smile on my face. The remaining tears are swept away with the back of my hand. I drift to my classroom, berating myself for being weak. I do not want to cry anymore, not around those who cannot or will not try to understand what I am experiencing. Why can't they see how much this hurts, how it won't...


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.... In doing so, students will be given the chance to speak with peers who are in similar situations; without such support groups, many students would have no one to turn to, as it can be incredibly uncomfortable speaking with friends or parents about this issue.

 

I do not want to be in emotional agony for the rest of my life, though it is a possibility. I do not want to seem weak in front of those who will not try to relate. I do not want to be afraid to tell people that I have depression, that I am on tricyclics, that I visit a psychologist regularly. More than anything else, I do not want to lose any of my friends who may have depression, to suicide. What I ask for is not unreasonable; what I wish is merely a haven where I may weep without fear of ridicule, a sanctuary where I may help others who must face the same horrid despondency that I have felt.

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