In high school I allowed a teacher make me feel so ashamed about being pregnant my senior year, I dropped out with a full scholarship to college. I gave it up because the first time I felt my baby move inside me I knew I couldn’t leave her, she felt like bubbles. I was given a choice, tough love. I blame no one but myself so I will leave out the details. I’m the youngest of five children of both my mothers’ abusive marriages. My dad beat her and abused my siblings, he left when I was five. Me: sexually molested at seven & ten years old, beaten, abused, controlled, two baby girls by 21, more major surgeries than I can remember, twice divorced, a fighter, a sinner, strong in faith, whistleblower, target of a hit, my psychiatric report reads “highly intelligent, permanently disabled” and a college student with a 3.87 GPA. Accepting the disability diagnosis was the hardest for me to come to terms with; I simply refuse to accept that I am not capable of working to the best of my ability as an appellant attorney. I have a speech impediment (I stutter at times) that may or may not be permanent, if it continues it would affect my skills as a litigator as a trial attorney. Delivery in oral arguments must be flawless, a pause or stutter could easily persuade a juror of my own doubts of my clients guilt or innocence. However, the area of appellant law is largely done online. Oral arguments before a panel of Judges with a better understanding of my disability and the reaso...
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...ecide and I will respect whatever decision comes. I forgive their greed, arrogance, actions and ignorance. I do not understand, but perhaps it is not my place to do so. I stopped asking “Why?” a long time ago. One day we will all be judged by that of a higher power, that day will come to us all. I am not afraid to die, I should have been dead a long time ago. I’ve beat cancer twice, faced fear over international lines and survived so many blows to my head from my first husband that any one punch could have killed me, but it didn’t. God gave me this life because he knows I am strong enough to live it. I have made school is my obsession, my grades reflect that. I cannot do everything, but I can do some things & I refuse to allow what I can’t do interfere with what I can do! I am not a victim and I cannot accept a definition of “disabled” to define the rest of my life.
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