Parenting: What Is the Best Formula?

Parenting has always been an age-old topic of discussion. How come my friend’s parents are cool and mine’s not? Or my parents are so lax that I wished they’d put a rein on my behaviors sometime. Whether or not we think that our parents are doing a great job raising us, it is doubly difficult for them to come up with the perfect balance to make sure we see the value of their parenting and maybe even emulate them when we start our own families.

The “grass is always greener” statement is the first that comes to mind in parenting. As parents my wife and I often second-guess ourselves, are we doing enough to teach our children values and discipline without crossing the line of being an authoritarian. Does being punitive automatically label us as authoritarian? How do you balance the rules of the house amongst our children? In our case it is doubly difficult having a child with Autism and another typically developing child to impose the same rules. We need to always be astute and assess every single situation for each of our sons if an action warrants disciplinary action or are they just typical developmental milestones. For example, there will be times that our son, Nicholas, who has Autism, would intentionally spill water on the floor. What antecedents contributed to the behavior? Is he being mischievous or did a scene from a movie he was watching an hour before trigger it? Sometimes it is difficult to assess a situation quickly enough to respond. The most difficult decision would be, what would our response be? If we let it go and it was an unwarranted behavior, we risk giving a positive reinforcement to the behavior. On the other hand, if it was as innocent as a form of echolalia, it will be most definitely wrong to reprimand th...

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...e. The child may find himself or she questioning his or her decisions because it has always been that the opinions of their parents matter the most and not theirs.

There is no crystal ball when it comes to parenting. One of these styles or a combination of one, two or three with all the other factors from personality, environment, living arrangements, presence of other family members in the household, inconsistency of each parent, the child’s traits, and maybe even other siblings’ personalities will be a factor to the ideal parenting style for each family setting. That being said, it is very healthy that we engage our children with our day-to-day decisions and opinions. Share our thoughts and be open-minded to one another’s ideas or comments. It is the very nature of the relationship between the parent and child that truly dictates the ideal parenting style.