He got me, and he caught me when I thought I lost myself. He was the only person that understood me, where did that person go? What made him want to leave me? What pushed him so far away that he forgot why we existed? Does she play the part better? I hope she’s good at lying to herself. I’d swear I would change every part of me if you could possibly be satisfied, but you can’t. You stripped everything from me, and then left the one person that needed you the most.
I feel dead inside sometimes. I still love him, I still want him, and I still need him. Everything aches and I feel groggy as I sit up in my twin sized bed. Living in this small apartment gets lonely, but somehow I’ve grown used to the atmosphere. My drawings, being my only source of income only goes so far to a one bedroom apartment in upstate New York. My phone starts buzzing and I caught my gasp in my throat as I read the number. Something deep in me wanted to answer it, and my hands found their way gripping the phone tightly. I missed his voice, and I couldn’t deny that I wanted him so bad.
I wanted his lips on mine, his touch, his love; I wanted affection. The rush of his body against mine. . .I could stay in that moment forever, because he made me feel alive. Finally, the ringing stopped, but not before I got a text.
“Hey, when you get this, call me back...I miss you.”
As much as I wanted to believe him, I knew it wasn’t true. He doesn’t care about me, he only cares about himself and we both know this. I threw my phone across the room onto the couch to reduce the temptation to call him back. I rocked in my chair in a daze. . .I felt emotionally drained.
... middle of paper ...
...er, as if I could kiss away my feelings from coming back. I wanted them gone because he still finds a way to make something so simple feel divine.
“I think you should go,” is what I leave him with, and I don’t even wait for the questions before I grab my phone and head up the stairs. None of this feels real so I’ll use the rest of the night to soak up the most attention he’s given me in weeks.
I hear my front door shut, and I know he’s gone. My phone buzzes and lights up simultaneously, a text from Jay.
“I’ll wait for you,” with a bright red heart added at the end.
I know he’ll wait because I’ve always wait for him, even when he made it clear he wanted nothing to do with me. Because there was still a fire inside of us; after all of the lying and deceiving I could still feel it.
We’ll wait for each other together because nothing makes sense when we’re apart.
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