My Freshman Year

My Freshman Year

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My freshman year was suppossed to be my year, the year I was finally going
to be in "Highschool".It was considered the most important year in my life, that I could've
only dreamed about. You see,from the fifth to eighth grade i attended homeschool and
smaller schools. Highschool was going to be big!I thought I was finally going to be
considered a young adult.This very year 2012 would be the hardest year of my life.
I remeber this year like the back of my hand. My bestfriends were Jatereus,
Leneice, Denise, and J'Quaylon. Most of the time, Leneice would not hang with the
four of us, but always me by myself. The other four of us created our own little group,
"The Box", since we had known eachother for the longest. Leneice on the other hand
never had many friends. Most girls did not like her, because their boyfriends did, and she
liked them too. Through it all I was still her friend. Leneice and I were like sisters, we
went to the movies stayed over eachothers house, went shopping, everything. We even
dressed alike and said we were twins, even though we look nothing alike. We soon
became inseprable. Conveinently, her mother was my daddy's secretary which made
us even closer. Soon, things began to spin out of control. I remebering saying to
Leneice, "Our moms are really good friends", and her making a face like she had
something to tell me. Common sense wasn't my very strong trait. When things first
started to change, it was around time for my parents vowel renewel, they would have
been married ten years.My dad began staying at the "office" later and later. It began to
be I"m busy or I'm Tired, when we wanted to do something. Promises began to
become unkept, our bond began to break. Not only was my dad a stock broker, he was also a youthpastor at our church. Soon, the secret was out. I knew in my heart what the
secret was, but my fear made me hold it in. Whoever told you "Your bestfriend can be
Your worse enemy" was right. I felt like a fool, this girl had known my deepest secrets
she stayed at my house, she ate our food, but she kept one thing from me. She never
told me our parents were having an afair.

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It hurts me to have to talk about this, but this
is what i remember of my year. I call it my secret of death. So many times I wish I could
rewind the things i said to her, and kept from my mom.This is the secret that killed my love.
My new issue was trust. That summer before school started, my youth group attended a
Christian Camp called CIY(Christ In Youth Conference) in Durango, Colorado. I was so
excited. I decided to look past me and Leneice's differences and just have fun. This trip
was so fun. My cousin Coco also attended. The week was going by great until my cousin
began acting a little weird. She began not talkin to me and giving me really mean glares.
Next thing I know, Leneice is telling me some really mean things Coco said. We were upset
all week! We talked it out, and found that it was over that coniving girl. That night, we did
baptism in the pool, and I saw her with my dad's phone looking through it. I sent my
sister's friend Allysha to go and get the phone because i didn't want to get nasty with anybody
that night. The girl must have ticked me off to my highest point, because I went off.
I was about to mess this girl up, for messing up my family. I was screaming and yelling at her,
and she was crying uncontrollably. I called her names, so many nasty mean names to
her felt nothing. I had no pity for her! No pity whatsoever. I still to this day don't have
have any sympathy for her. It got so out of hand, my mama and Ms.Felecia had to
had to take us to another room and talk to us. My mother asked her at least five times did
she want to call her mom and tell her what happened. It was ironic that my dad
called ,and knew what happened all the way from the boys dorm way accross the way,
trying to see what happened with Leneice. I was furious! Of course, Leneice said she
didn't want to call so they made me apologize evenstill. I did not mean it one bit! This was the girl who had constantly took advantage of me as a child, humiliated me,
stole my boyfriend, and now was wanting my sympathy? I think not! The next
day we all traveled home and everything was Cool. No Drama all the way
home, that's good for an all girl van. We got home around 10:50 pm. We were all excited
to be home ,and get to our parents. Well except me, mine were always with me. Leneice
forgot her purse in the van ,so I gave it to her so she wouldn't leave it. We got home
around 11:30. Next thing we know, the door bell rings. It was the one and one Leneice
and her homerecking mother. You could tell by the dceitful look on her face something
was up. Leneice replied "I forgot my purse and Britney I accidently took your book. I left
my book in the van I know for a fact because my dad had to take them back. In my mind,
I was thinking this little Skank! So, we let her in for a second to use the bathroom, then
I hear alot of yelling and screaming. Her mom mama made a mistake when she put her hand in my mama's face! My mama ran to the kitchen and got a butcher knife she was about to fight
ghetto style. Of course, my daddy wanted to save his mistress, he ran behind trying to
to take the knife. My little sisters were horrified, they were screaming and crying. I was so
angry I yelled to him "I HATE YOU!!". I remember blood on the walls, the porch, in the
kitchen, in my bedroom, in the foyer. It made me so angry. This was now the
lowest point of my life. This blood was not Ebony Matthis blood, but my step-father's blood,
the man I'd known as dad most of my life. When I said those words, I killed his spirit, he cried.
I cried until I couldn't anymore, my cousin comforted me, from then on my life changed. This
was a nightmare to me. I went wild. I went after boy ,after boy ,after boy, playing games
with them hurting them ,because I thought all men were dogs! My thought was if can't even trust my father, how can I trust anybody, especially God. Me and God lost connection after this. It'sdeeper than just an incident. No, I never lost my home, but i lost my family. Our house was not a home. People began talking about us at church. I hated church. I hated God I blamed him for everything. Until, I read a testimony of Job. Job lost everything and God still had him. I couldn't blame God anymore, I had myself to blame. I had to live with this. Many people look in and see things in my life as being okay. Only God knows my real pain.
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